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May 01
2010
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Lets Get This Show On The RoadPosted by heartinthreepieces in children |
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I recognise these trainers. Glad will never have to look at them again.
My solicitor unbelievably efficient, received papers through post this morning. Horrible to write your childrens names and dates of birth on such things. Feel a bit numb but want to get it done. Once I give them in I am saying goodbye to my husband (good riddance) but also my children as I know he will poison them against me as he poisoned our marriage. Any love I had for him has gone and I just want rid but the thought of being 3000 miles away from my children cripples me. How the hell am I going to keep them safe? he loves them but he doesnt care about them, they will only be in his way when he want to be with her, they will be left alone till late at night 'while he goes to 'meetings' and every school holiday they will be deposited like parcels with me. Then, I darn't even thinks about this, I will have to put them back on the plane to him and say goodbye over and over again. My mum sais pretend they are at boarding school, but they are not at boarding school are they. I am sick to death of sighing.
Have to return to our house 150 miles away from family - alone. What will face me as I turn around and shut the door but photos of the kids - have to do it though cannot really live with my parents forever I am 41. In an ideal world plan to sell the house and move up here and get somewhere for my boys to return to but who knows what is going to happen.
I think that is why us lot feel all at sea because we do not know if that is a dingy floating on a collision course towards us or a big fat bloody tanker.
Whatever it is I will just oar it out of the way, got to for my kids. Just getting in the car to take those papers back, dont want them delayed by the postman, lets get this show on the road.
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absolution
said:
| May 02, 2010 | ||
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Babes you are an incredibly tough courageous lady, you can do it, you have no choice and in the end it will be better for you and the kids. The unknown is scary and daunting but exciting too cos good things can be around the corner too, not just bad. My advice take one step at a time, do what you must first then the next, one day at a time. Don't freak out or stress about the big picture. When you go back to the house, keep the pictures of the kids, you have not lost them, just your relationship and how often you see them has changed. You are their mum, no one can ever take that away from you. Hold on to that. Take a deep breath and go on, head held high, dignity and pride intact, for you are the better bigger person. You have the moral high ground. Change things in the house so it is different, move the furniture, make it your own to symbolise a new start. If you don't feel ready to move back then don't. Be honest with your parents. You are their baby even if you are 41, they are not going to kick you out and withdraw their support. Accept all help. You need it now. Do you have any friends there whom you can trust to pass a letter to your boys so you can keep the communication channels open? Just to let them know you miss and love them. Good luck. CWx |
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heart in three pieces
said:
| May 02, 2010 | ||
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You are right, I'm just feeling victimised but I will refuse to be a victim and will do all that you have advised. I talk to my boys every day on the phone and will continue to do so but if he stops this I will email. There is no postal service over there to individual houses and I left behind my mobile phone with one good friends number on but I could try other avenues to get in touch with her. If that fails I can write letters to the school and ask them to pass them on to my boys if their father is being obstructive. This all takes effort and I am already exhausted but I will have to keep finding the strength. Thank you xxx |
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Mitchum
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| May 02, 2010 | ||
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Your heart IS broken as mine was and frankly I had no idea how to mend it. I suspect I will never truly recover from what my stbx did to me, the severity and number of blows one after the other. I'm here to tell you that things will get better in time though. No, I didn't dare to believe that either. In the early stages I did not want to go on, but friends both real and virtual have helped me to where I am now. Do consider counselling as this is a lot to cope with alone. I couldn't have coped without my therapist. She gave me confidence and hope. Old friends came out of the woodwork when they heard what had happened and have been so supportive. Wiki friends have been amazing in their unfailing support. Feel free to PM me anytime you're feeling low. Keep posting and let others help you through this nightmare we call our lives at present. You've just started down this road and know that you can lean on us as much as you need to. Take care. Stay well and let your parents spoil you for a while. Mitchum xx |
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absolution
said:
| May 02, 2010 | ||
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It is fantastic that you talk daily and that he has not stopped this. You see, a chink of light, my friend, there will be others and before you know it the rainbow is there and the nightmare is over. Hope baby you must hope and dream of the future you want with your boys even if they don't live with you full time. Just word of caution and I speak from experience resist making them piggy in the middle and protect them from all the evil of their father for they are still kids and he is still their Dad and they need a relationship with him as well as you. I almost pushed away my baby with my anger and ranting and raving and that is the last thing you want. Good I see you are a woman warrior like me, you already have a plan of attack if he obstructs communication, you are doing all you can so rest and gather strength for it is war now, not being Miss Nice. And some things are worth fighting for and contact with your kids is top of the list! Don't forget they need you too. With love CWx |
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supercali
said:
| May 02, 2010 | ||
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(((((Hi3p))))), I totally understand what you are going through, I'm there too, 41 aswell! Take courage that you are making your own decisions and control of your life. Don't let him get to you - easy to say I know, but you can do it. What ever happens, those kids were made by you and they will never leave you emotionally, so be strong and continue every avenue for contact that you have. Good Luck, we are here if you need us. Supercali xx |
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heartinthreepieces
said:
| May 02, 2010 | ||
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Thank you everyone, you are all amazing. Absolution - he has not stopped the contact yet as he does not know for definate the papers are coming. As soon as he does he will try to be obstructive and use my desperation, love and concern to manipulate my movements and emotions around the children - he is a bully. The thing is you lot are helping me to turn into one myself !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that is a good thing. Cheers xxx |
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absolution
said:
| May 02, 2010 | ||
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No babes I am not advocating you become a bully like him! Don't stoop down to his level. But stand your ground, don't be intimidated by his bullying tactics, stand up for yourself, fight, fight like hell for your rights, what you are entitled to. As I said to my ex, you have nothing to fear, I have never been a bitch, I am not going to start now. I have been extremely fair and generous in the financial settlement mostly because I want it to be over, I have lost far more than what money and bricks and mortar can ever replace and for the sake of our child. |
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absolution
said:
| May 02, 2010 | ||
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Hey babes you have a lot to be angry about and rightly so but keep the pride and stay a woman of integrity. Be who you are and love who you are. don't become bitter and twisted and don't allow that anger to consume you within, use it to fight to see your sons, for a rightful share of the house proceeds so you have the means to begin a new life. Baby you are only 41, you have a lot of life to live. It is early days but when you least expect somebody may come into your life who is deserving of your love and who will treat you like a princess. | |
maelstrom
said:
| May 02, 2010 | ||
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What an incredibly difficult situation you are in. I really admire the fact that you are still standing and sounding rational! Good for you for getting things moving with the solicitor, each piece of paper is one step closer to regaining your strength and freedom. Keep up as much contact with your boys as you can, emails, msn, phone. If you can send them postcards or pictures via their school I am sure that they will be appreciated. Counselling can be very helpful, but accept help from anyone and everyone, look after your health, eat well when you feel able and do some exercise. The things that kept me going when I found out about stbx affair were these things. It seemed an endless tunnel of despair at the time but small steps made me feel stronger and more able to cope. Wishing you well Maelstrom |
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