Two sides to every story

This blog is written by the girlfriend of the user Dockley, just to show both sides of the coin in a world gone mad where divorce is concerned.

I divorced in 1997 with 2 small children aged 4 & 3. My ex left the home and also took entire contents with him. He stopped paying the mortgage and did not pay maintenance. I on the other hand struggled to keep my part time job, care for the kids and pay the bills. This I managed and eventually had the mortgage(debt) signed over to me. There was no equity in the house at the time. Obviously I was bitter to my ex but some of the stories I read on here just seem so wrong. We went our separate ways, me in the FMH along with the debt of it and him with no assets but able to start again. All I ever wanted was a fair outcome, no trying to take him to the cleaners, no trying to screw every penny out of him til the end of my days, no stopping the kids from seeing him just because I didnt like him anymore, just a clean break and a relationship for my children with their dad.

What I cannot understand or even empathise with are the women and men who just seem so out of control in their pursuit of making their ex pay (in more ways than one) forever and a day. Whilst I appreciate that some men have treated their wives absolutely diabolical and vice versa but when children are concerned or indeed finances, why does one party automatically feel they "deserve" more than the other and become hell bent on making them suffer. It seems that since my divorce women are on the winning streak, and I'm saying this is a divorced woman.

Now 10 years later my new partner is going through his divorce and the bitterness of his ex knows no bounds. 5 years ago he found txt messages on her phone, to cut a long story short, she admitted nothing and they started divorce. Few months later stopped divorce & got back together putting past behind them. Two years later, both agreed could not fix what was wrong and decided to split a 2nd time after 4 months of living separately in same house.

Enter new girlfriend (me) 3 months after splitting and this is where the fun starts. Since meeting she has told the kids we were together throughout their marriage, refused contact with the children in my presence, had him arrested twice on false allegations, changed the locks on the FMH which he lives in, totally tried to make the kids hate him as much as she does, removed all property from the home including his stuff, refused to attend mediation, refused to co-operate with the divorce, the list goes on and on. We are now at court stage and in debt to the tune of £4000 in solicitors and my question is this: For what? What has she gained? He will never go back to her, he will get his share of the finances, he will get his divorce, he will rebuild his realtionship with the kids, he will continue to see me...... so why all this wasted emotional and financial suffering, no one can ever be the winner in divorce.

D - Destruction

I - I hate you

V - Vile behaviour towards someone u loved so much

O - Oh i'll make you pay

R - Revenge

C - Childen? They're a weapon I can use against you

E - End of, or is it, will it ever be

I appreciate this will not be a welcome read to some of you, this is just my own personal feeling, of course each divorce is different.