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Feb 25
2008
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He left me last night. Packed a bag and said he was going to his parents for the week. Apparently we need time apart to reassess what matters to us individually and as a couple; I am not contact him or he'll walk away for good.
I had the humiliation of explaining to my daughter's teacher this morning the situation at home. I was trying so hard not to cry, my voice started cracking up, but I'm relieved that I managed to finish the meeting without breaking down. She was sympathetic and promised to keep a close eye on my daughter, who has taken this new situation very badly. Last night, when I was crying (yes, I am wholly ashamed to admit I cried in front of her- I'm only human), she kept reassuring me daddy would come back, that it would be Ok. This morning, she burst into our bedroom and her face fell. She was silent all through her bath and finally admitted to me about an hour after getting up that she'd really thought daddy would come home in the night, wouldn't leave us so devastated.
I hate him for doing this. I hate him for leaving me when I begged him not to; I hate him for dumping the full responsibility of the house and child-raising on me, deciding to disappear whenever he feels like it; I hate him for being able to go a week without any contact, something which breaks me in two just thinking about; I hate him for not having to sleep in our bed and feel the loneliness I had to endure; and I hate him for hurting me so much.
I feel utterly destroyed, regardless of how bad things have been lately. He said that he can't take my anger and irritability any more, that if he'd stayed another week, we'd be seeking divorce. This week off will make our marriage work, in his opinion. I think I'm going to end up resenting him beyond recognition, which may be the best thing for me and my daughter. I have to go through one of the most painful experiences alone, without the support of my husband; he's the one causing this pain. He's the reason I had to get my daughter to school 20 minutes early, the reason I had to stand in front of her teacher and look like I'm Functioning whilst explaining how my husband packed a bag and left, leaving us utterly devastated.
I feel so alone and I miss him so much already. He said he'll contact me on Friday to arrange meeting up. I just hope this resentment fades away.
Thank you to all the people who noted on my last entry. You made me realise things aren't right.
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ChrisM
said:
| February 25, 2008 | ||
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Frankie. I have been bypassing this all day. Not realy knowing what words to say. Here goes for what its worth. This is a common story that we see a lot on here. You must feel utterly crushed. I am not in your marriage only you 2 are. I am not sure where this will go. I dont want to point the finger and judge you and its not my way anyway. All I can realy say that can be of any help is that we are all friends. Come in here and have a good old chat, moan etc and hopefuly the week will fly by. Best ones, be strong, Chris. |
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Pundit
said:
| February 25, 2008 | ||
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Frankie, my heart goes out to you. There's not much I can say, except you will cope. It will be hard, but you can do it. It's not fair that you have to go through this, but in this game, fairness doesn't always come into it. It's the most awful thing in the world, but as the wise man said, this too shall pass. Wishing you strength. Take care Pundit. |
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starry_eyes
said:
| February 25, 2008 | ||
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Frankie, i really feel for you, after reading your blogg ive been thinking of you all day, much of what you say echoes my own story and im sure many others. I wish i could find some words to help you, all i can say is take care of yourself, its hard very hard, and i hope you can find some inner strength. Sometimes we think we cant take anymore, but we can, we are stronger then we give ourselves credit for. You have a lovely daughter, im sure she is a great comfort to you. When my husband left i was devasted, i knew he was never coming back, the nights were the worst, i slept in my daughters bed with her, so that i didnt feel so lonely and when i would wake up many times during the night, i would look at her and find a reason to plod on, it gets easier...in time. With your story the chapters not closed yet, you may still have something there, i hope your husband takes the time away to evaluate things and comes to appreciate you. Take care and keep us posted Hugs Starry |
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davej1808
said:
| February 25, 2008 | ||
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Frankie, There are no words I can think of to help other than you will get through this. That might sound like rubbish now but I promise you will. As the weeks go by it does start to get easier. The betrayal still hurts but less so. I havent got to the stage where it has stopped hurting but I know that one day it will for me and one day it will for you. Try to stay strong. You deserve better than him. Best wishes Dave |
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Elizabeth
said:
| February 26, 2008 | ||
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Frankie, I can wholly relate to your feeling of utter desolation. When my husband left, after 20 years he also took our 2 children 300 miles away, he was on the phone to me at 10 oclock at night within a week of going - talking of me having to sell our home where we had all lived for the last 9 years. His cold and calculating, ruthless actions completely floored me. It's like a bereavement and I am not going to pretend it's much easier now because it isn't. I thought he loved me, and I had good reason to think he did for prior to his departure he told me he did. He turned into someone I don't know - I find it all so surreal and I don't know how I am going to get through this. Fortunately one of our children came home of their own free will, angry with his father but wanting to be with me and the home he grew up in. I feel betrayed but I also have blamed myself - I don't know if I will ever trust again. |
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