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Feb 20
2008
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There won't be many relationships here at wiki free from hurtful and cruel things that one side does to another and if I made a list of all the unkind words, thoughtless choices, and many other hurtful things my ex has done to me in the past, it could stretch for miles.
Just going to what is hopefully my final counselling session so am reading through some notes and thoughts that have occurred to me during these sessions which started I am surprised to see as long ago as August 2007. I will share a few things with you now.
When I think of the way I've reacted to all the stuff thrown at me by my ex something hits me right between the eyes : I've been just as guilty at times. Even when I felt justified in my actions, is it fair for me to say that he didn't feel he was justified? How do I know what was truly in his mind at those times, or what led him to choices that clearly didn't make him happier nor me and the children?
Returning a hurt with another hurt did provide temporary feelings of satisfaction but hasn't brought real happiness. However on the occasions that I didn't react to him some way, or react in anger, it seems like I've been telling him it's ok please keep kicking me it doesn't hurt. I have been very confused at times.
As of today ... a promise to myself:
I have suffered enough hurt in my life already. I accept I cannot stop my ex from hurting me or others, but I can stop adding to it by freedom of choice - my own. I need to remember that no one wins in a war.
I will allow myself to have feelings without letting myself make harmful choices. I will remove myself from situations where my ex is unkind to me, and take better care of myself and my feelings.
............................................................
The old law of "an eye for an eye" leaves everybody blind. - Martin Luther King,Jr.
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ChrisM
said:
| February 20, 2008 | ||
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Umm. U seem to say its not right to hit back. Sometimes hitting back is a pasive action. Just sitting there is hitting back. The only way you will get happiness is to get out of this situation with the minimum damage to yourself. Easier said then done. I used to say "I will deal with it later". Its later now and I am dealing with it. When you are out of this you will look back and say could I have done better or did I do so and so right? The safest thing to do is nothing. Hold your head up high dont lower youself to his level. That way when you look back you will know that you did the right thing. Best ones Chris. | |
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Jacko
said:
| February 20, 2008 | ||
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Yes I think your right, there can be very few relationships were the breakdown can be entirely attributed to just one person? How many of us can honestly say that we are entirely blame free of doing or saying unpleasant things? Even if it was a reaction against the perpetrator of an unpleasant situation! Sometimes in the heat of the moment it?s so much easier to do the wrong thing and it can be quite gratifying at the time. Well I hope that your counseling session goes well, though sadly it seems to me the efforts are rather one sided! I think you are doing better than most in even finding the courage to attend sessions with a person who still continues to belittle you and cause you problems. |
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