determined to cut the line this time

For those of you who dont know my story, its a case of not letting go, when in reality i should have let go 2-3 years ago. However we can all be guilty of that i guess when you still love that person, even though they no longer love you. You live in a world where you believe it will always get back to how it was when it was good to the extent that you let them control every aspect of your life, socially, mentally, physically, and financially.

I have suffered so much lies and betrayal and just let it wash over me like a fast flowing river. Dont get me wrong we all make mistakes and i prob made a few but i never used her or betrayed her or lied about anything to her face, and nor did the kids.

On 3 seperat occasions i have let her walk over me and pull my emotional heart strings when things have gone badly wrong with her and him when she moved in with and i stupidly let her back into a comfort zzone because i believed the words , and stupidly still loved her. It all changed, i am more focused on breaking that emotional bond.

Then i have to deal with him my best friend for the last 15 years , best friends just dont do that do they?. Obviously they do , but maybe he was never the friend i thought he was, i feel sorry for his kids if they have inherated his outlook on life in the make up.

I have had counselling to try and get over the issues that all this has caused and it is getting better, i feel more relaxed, i get up instead of lying in bed all morning, i go to the gym instead of sitting indoors with a bottle of wine and life is like a whole new learning curve again. When you have known someone for 27 years its tough to let go, its tough to walk away, even though deep in your heart you need to.

My kids are my rock , they see her for what she is,or what she has been. They seem so oblivious to everything, but i guess having gone thru what they have for the past 3 years they know no diff in terms of their mum being around. When you go thru this you phsycoanalise everything becaus e you think it is your fault and its not.

She recieved the petition last week and decided again today to move her stuff into his flat. The question is will i be there when it goes all wrong again, which it will but this time its not my problem is it. I want things to move so fast, i want to sell the house and move away, not to far because of the kids and school,.

Then there is her mum, what the hell do i do with her, the answer is nothing! its not my problem anymore, my priorities are my kids and me, he wants her he can have the resposibilities that came with her, surely anyone worth there salt would take that on board or do they expect me to look after her mum as well!

There are lots of issues to sort out and i ahve issues of my own to deal with but i am winning that battle at least, that will make me stronger for the other battles i have to deal withthe hhouse is a better place without her and so is my heart and mind. I no longer worry about her when i travel, why should i, i have spent all my adult life doing that and its time for me to take control of my life.

No body is perfect in this life, and we all have crosses to bear but nobody deserves to go thru what most people on this site go thru, the only crime we ever comitted was to love or care for someone who took adavantage of our well being, over time we will be the better people and others will benefit from that experiance. I am still angry, there is no doubt about that, and that is my biggest weakness i guess but it will go over time.The counselling has worked and is making me stronger and better at decision making somthing i have never had in my marriage , stregnth and the ability to make decisions for my own benefit. so its onwards and upwards as they say. There is a better world out there, just strive to achieve it.