Separating the deed from the doer......

I recently read and replied to a thread on infidelity and commented on some of the 'reasons' (cough) it should read EXCUSES people give for behaving this way. I posted that I despised my stbx's behaviour and him because I couldn't separate the two. The behaviour (his affairs, lies, deception, selfishness) to me, defined and displayed his true character (who he really was, his values and morals). Some people hold the view that we shouldn't use labels and separate the behaviour from the person because it doesn't necessarily define a person's character. I believe this to be true if we are