It’s self-preservation, I know. I keep finding new reasons to despise what stbx has done to me. Last night my list was endless. How things change from one moment to the next. How thoughts change from hope to absolute despair. How strong I feel at times to how vulnerable and frail I feel emotionally from one hour to another. I felt all of these things last night. It was 9.30pm Saturday night and I dropped my daughter off at a party in the city. I decided that I wouldn’t go home because in a few hours I would have to come back and pick her up, so I decided that I would stay in town,

It's the start of autumn here and I can see that my big golden elm tree in the front garden is starting to shed its leaves. I will have it pruned and fed so that when it blooms in the spring it will be even more magnificent than in previous years. It will still be the same tree but pruning it will get rid of decayed branches and prevent it from getting any diseases. It will be structurally sound and even more majestic in appearance. The garden around it will be healthier for it too. I liken myself to my beautiful tree and hope that this awful, painful experience will help me to undergo

I am in a great place at the moment. I stress at the moment because I don't really know what's ahead but I'm living for each moment now. So now is really good. Went out tonight with a girlfriend and had a ball. I caught sight of the old me. She was happy, smiling and funny even. She was a little cheeky too. She was lost for a long time but I know I'll be seeing a lot more of her now. My weekend is jammed packed and I have another night out on Friday so thanks to all the wiki angels who kept telling me that things do get better. What a difference some time makes. I have been a little