Overwhelmed with feeling of anger, hurt and injustice.

My husband has taken the children away for 3 days during the school half-term holidays. This is to give us all some 'breathing space'. Our divorce process is likely to take about 6 months. My solicitor has advised me to stay living in the ex-matrimonial home until the divorce is settled. However, it is very difficult living with my husband without experiencing extreme irritation, which can lead to arguments. My husband's behaviour always seems stressed, he is always fidgiting and cannot sit still or else he falls asleep during a conversation. This puts me 'on edge' also but he will not allow me to show any irritation or anger of any kind. It is like being in a pressure cooker.

We beging the process of professional mediation, next week, because he just assumes that he will keep the children because of my chronic depression. Also there are financial issues on which we cannot agree. But my husband tends to dominate any discussion with professionals to the extent that I amafraid I will not be listened to and my rights will be overidden.

When my husband announced he was taking divorce proceedings against me, I was so upset that I damaged his car by scratching the paintwork and smashing the reflectors. My husband reported this to the police and I must go to be interviewed at the station tomorrow morning. I have been waiting for this interview since 7 January and the waiting has been stressful. My husband keeps reminding me about it. On the night I did the damage I had a nervous breakdown and cut my forearms with a stanley blade. My husband called an ambulance and I was seen in A&E by the mental health team. They had me transferred to a mental health respite care home for my safety. While there, my husband said the police had told him not to let me back into the house because I was a danger to him and the children.

My doctor and social worker did not believe this - they said I had a right to return to my home because my name is on the deeds. I did return home after 4 days in respite care and my husband very grudgingly let me back in. He never fails to remind me of how he was forced to let me come home. He had tried to get me removed from the property and either put into temporary accommodation or long term psychiatric care.

We have since tried couple counselling at Relate but it has been too upsetting and had led to more arguments at home. My husband said he had to divorce me - he said he is 'fed up with me and the way I am'. He said he just saw me as nothing but a 'huge lump that he was having to push uphill all the time'. I felt so deeply hurt and rejected on every level. We are no longer having couple counselling because it is not helpful.

My husband says he is short of money, being £10,000 in debt. Yet he will spend to price of a good holiday on a divorce! He said in October last year that we would not be having a summer holiday this year because we could not afford it and yet he is spending that money on divorcing me. This is unbelievably hurtful - I feel deeply devalued as a person. He seems to have no problem taking the children away on a mini-city break this week but, for ages if I suggested taking me away anywhere he would not do this - always saying there was no money.

He is determined to get me out of his life no matter what the cost. He says he just does not trust me anymore about anything and I cannot change his mind. I think that he has just fallen out of love with me and does not want me around anymore but he is trying to bury his guilt by making himself look like the injured party and the better parent. He lied on the divorce petition by saying I had threatenend his and the children's lives - I was shocked when I read this - I did nothing of the kind. He also said I did not contribute to the household, which is also a lie. He also lied about the total cost of damage to the car! Still I feel that nobody wants to listen to me - and he knows this and is taking advantage.