I don't know why but I was reading old diaries late the other night.  Such was my confusion over the past twelve months I somehow missed some things that were fundamental to the failure of my marriage.   He was really good at convincing me I got things wrong or made too much of things.

Seventeen years ago when I was so miserable living overseas, he told me that he would like to stay there.  I must have been in denial, because I somehow just kept going,  working to help pay the bills, looking after my children and coping with his absences on business.  

Sixteen years ago I told him I thought I

I wrote this a few weeks ago, when I was trying to understand why I couldn't just go ahead and write my petition. It's been a long haul, and I 've sent it in now. We'll see what kind of fallout there is now.

There's a kind of panic that grips me every now and then. I don't know which is worse -- being in the marriage with all its volatility, or being out of it and having my new-found peace of mind taken from me again with my new partner- that- was (almost) deciding it was best for us both if I let him go. I never had him to let go of, not in the true sense. I was so afraid of what my

Here we go again

Use logic:

My husband put me in a position where I was forced to choose between my children and my whole life / family / friends / country. I love and need all of those equally. I lost my sense of who I was, living overseas with no wish to, and wouldn't you have thought he could have tried a bit harder to help me.. but no.

He did this, through his decisions, and he didn't put me first. Now, I thought that when you loved someone, you wanted what was best for them, not what was best for you. It would be nice if you both wanted the same.

He wouldn't discuss it; he was, also,