Okay so Christmas and new year was shit. he told me that he had been with someone else that he has been seeing her for 4 months. That shattered my world. He then went on to write me a letter- he never writes- telling me where we went wrong as a couple- but basically what i done wrong???? during an argument i told him that i wanted to be with someone who will treat me like a princess. In that letter he told me that he didn't think i deserved to be treated like that yet- after 9 years- he still doesn't think i deserve to be treated like that. i should have been treated like that from day

okay so today was a great day- at no stage have i felt low! in fact today was one of the best days i have had in a long time.

i didnt smoke, i was very productive and focused. I am now in the process of looking into starting my own business which is something i have wanted to do for years and something that i always put in the back burner.

so fingers crossed, hopefully by this time next year, this will all be a blip in my past but a path to happiness- not that i am assuming tha running my own business is going to make me happy or rich- but its what i want to do!!!!!!

with that in mind- im

okay so today has been a bit better- nothing to do with the fact that i have started smoking again!!!! i know after 8 years of not smoking its bad that i have started but at the moment that is helping me stay calm and not crack up!

work was better but i am still finding myself being easily irritated by those around me who presume to know how i am feeling!

He contacted me today to see how i was doing and wanted to catch up- i told him i was busy- had plans- and that we would have to met when i was free! let it be on my terms for once!!!!!

so tomorrow is another day when we will no doubt cry and