Relationship for the sake of the Children

I thing the thing that I have found hardest in divorce is trying to keep a relationship with my ex so we can talk as parents and make sure our communication with the children is clear and consistent.  When you are a married couple this is relatively easy, but on divorce it is much harder.

I don't know if it is more difficult as we have joint care for the children, or whether I m expecting too much and being too idealistic but it has been a real battle to have a conversation with my ex about a couple of important matters (well I think they are important).

I left a message this morning and suggested we meet for a drink this evening and chat, I said what I wanted to discuss, These are our daughters eating habits, she is being very fussy in what she eats, leaves a fair bit of food, and as she is 13 I don't want it to turn into anything major, and the other point was our son resitting a couple of GCSEs to improve his grades - he is lazy and needs to be pushed by both ouf us.

She finally rang me back and it was a very painful conversation.  She said she couln't make any time this evening as she is out (strange as the children are with her tonight).  She suggested tomorrow evening, which she knows is the only evening when me and my new partner get to see each other.  She can't do Friday but may be able to find time on Saturday.

She then proceeded to say it must be my cooking as daughter always eats well at hers. She says she doesn't know why I am bothered and that everything is fine.  She started getting into what I call 'rant mode' which we used a lot when we were going through the divorce and not letting me get a word in edgeways.  So I gave up for now, told her to let me know if she had any time on Saturday.  We never got to talk about the GCSE resits.

Feel despondent about it all now though.  The way I see it teenage children need a lot of support and guidance from both parents, and so the parents must communicate well.  With me and my ex our communication just got worse and worse through the divorce.  Some of that was my fault, as I had always been a doormat while we were married, and because I stood up to her in the divorce she couldn't handle that and just tried to talk me down and got nasty.  This is  happening now when I try to talk to her about the children dare to sometimes suggest that sometimes her actions aren't (in my opinion) always in the best interests of the children (letting our son drink port with her heavy drinking brother-in-law on New Years Eve being a classic example).

But for the sake of my children I think I must try and do what I think is right by them.

 So I have concluded that life does get better after divorce but, where your children are involved it can be a long haul  You are not husband and wife but you are still mother and father and must try and perform that role in a vacum!  As if being a parent was easy in the first place!