It is nearly the end of my son's final year at junior school.  Each year, pupils going on to secondary education present a special school play.  Neither my ex-husband to be nor the children bothered to tell me this play was on tonight.

The two children and ex-to-be just went out of the door earlier this evening.  I thought they were going to the gym or swimming pool.  I had no idea it was to this special play.  It meant that I missed an important event in my son's life.

Tonight, my ex-to-be told me casually that the 'photos of my son were on the computer 'from his school play' this evening. 

My mind has been drifting back to when I was first married to my ex to be and all the plans we had for the future.  He was my soulmate.  He was the one who rescued me from all the nasty things in life - he protected me.

When we had our first baby, I began to feel complete and valid as a person.  Our baby seemed like a special gift from God because we were blessed - so it seemed.  With our second child our family seemed almost complete.  We went places, did things together as a family.  When I think back to those times it is very hurtful when I wonder how it all went so horribly wrong.  My

I went abroad for 3 weeks in March to visit relatives.  We had been out of touch, almost estranged for some 11 years.  However, unexpectedly they have offered to support me while I go through this divorce.  This support has been mainly emotional but they have also offered to become advocates for me when I see my solicitor etc.  I am very greatful for this - it is more than I expected.   I had lost hope of finding any friends in my predicament.

Since March, the time has gone by in a blur of ups and downs with plently of worry and uncertainty.  My solicitor has advised me to stay in the