This time last year, school routines were a nightmare. The teenagers weren't sleeping and couldn't get up. I had to get into work. Homework was getting lost or damaged.

I rang the school and explained - some help there but not much. We struggled on as the teenagers' distress turned, at times, to anger.

It's better this year. There's ordinary teenage anger from time to time and the kind of difficulty going to bed and getting up that I had as a teenager. The teenagers seem more than a year older - they've had a lot of growing up to do. I've mixed feelings about that. They are still hurt -

At first I felt sick, lost. The world wasn't as I thought it was. It had to be my fault. I'd been told that often enough.

I couldn't sleep and then I slept too much. Day and night dissolved into nightmare. I tried to plan the future and, however I did the sums, I couldn't afford it.

The lawyer made it less exceptional. I was angry now. I couldn't forgive the cruelty, lies, deceptions that lasted years, the way I was always held to blame. (Was I to blame?, I asked myself and somewhere, in the back of my mind, I thought it was all my fault.)

Worst of all was seeing the children, whitely

1. Think of jobs he did - the ones you thought must be difficult - and learn to do them yourselves. Even if it takes you ages, doing something new is an achievement. Congratulate yourself.

2. If he comes round and finds fault, smile serenely and ignore him. It's not his business any more.

3. Watch a TV programme he disliked or despised. Note what's good about it - enjoy it if you can.

4. Retune the radio to a new station. See if you like it.

5. But something you never bought because he didn't like it. This one's for you.

6. Cook your favourite meal, especially if he didn't like it that