..... ok really starting to work myself up now... so much for the insomnia not returning.  The patterns are back, crashing on the sofa between 8-9pm and then waking up at 4am with everything whizzing round my head.  I have the note pad by the bed, a good book, and even my iPod, but they are really not helping.

 The only way I can describe it is that I have the good voice and the bad voice inside my head.  the good voice is being reasonable, ie take each day as it comes, everything will be fine etc etc, but the bad voice just completely knocks this into touch and the arguments make me elieve

.... thats all it is til my FH.  To say I am scared is an understatement.  I am petrified. 

I know that this is what I have been waiting for, but can't get the demons out of my head.  All my insecurities are coming back, and I am thinking that something bad will happen in everything I do. 

Stbx is being strangely nice.  This is un-nerving as he usually becomes more aggresive in the run up to a hearing.  He is talkative and pleasant.  Cant help thinking that maybe he has something up his sleeve for Friday.  Christ I dont know, maybe I am reading too much into it.

So far my insomnia has not

Ok I havent blogged for a little while.. to be honest have been busy with work, kids and yes I even took a week off to get away from it all and spend quality time with the kids and my bf.

So here I am at work, which is unusually quiet, watching the rain and really starting to worry about the FH.  2 weeks and counting.  I wish I had a crystal ball and could see the outcome.  Maybe that wouldnt be  a good idea.  I dont know.  all I do know is that I want this to end.  I need to move on.  i have come so far on my own, and I want to continue this journey on this road.

Stbx being an a******* as