how this mess of mine began

Hi, My 1st divorce was 10 years ago and I have a son age 12 from that marriage. I had been with my first wife since we were schoolkids of 14. 3years after divorce I met my Xtb she & I had had a crush on each other as kids and the 1st few months were amazing. We felt so right together,although I was still hurting from the 1st divorce, still smoking grass and drinking too much. BUT i felt right at home with her. I wanted to be with her. We got married in 2005. Xtb had also had a son a year older than mine. Although I noticed (developmentally) he was much more clingy & introverted than my boy. My xtb had got pregnant following a one night stand and the Bio'father denied everything for 4 years then started paying CSA £75/mnth and seeing Xtb's boy once a month for a couple of hours. 7 years down the line and little has changed with this set up except Bio'F has sired another 2 kids! Now I get to the M-i-L. She divorced Xtb's father when Xtb was 11. He was a quick tempered irishman (sorry about stereotype) and had previously stabbed Xtb in the stomach with a set of car keys. Needless to say it was a long time before Xtb's mum got a new partner. However she did and they got married 4 years ago. Xtb was in late 30s and still living with her mum, stepfather-to-be and son when I came along. Needless to say Xtb's son was spoiled and indulged. Xtb had little financial responsibility. Within months of usu becoming an item though, M-i-l told Xtb she had to find somewhere for her and grandson. Xtb worked nights part-time as a low paid care worker in an old people's home so she got assisted rent in what was a large privately rented place not far from where she worked. This was when I really noticed Xtb's depression & the lack of time she spent with her son - because of sleeping during the day. Xtb tried to self-harm because of mounting debts. I was supportive, did what I could involved her mum & gran, got her to see her GP. Xtb's GP prescribed maximum 60mg of antidepressant but now 7years on she still hasn't had counseling, is still on the high dose and even though she hasn't worked for 2 years, is still sleeping 12 to 14 hours a day. Over the years we started to argue more but each time we patched up. I left twice, mainly due to arguments about her tendency to binge drink and want to stay out all night with her friends, (she doesn't go out at all often but when she does she goes off the scale!) sometimes I'd be left in babysitting with Xtb's son even though I'd often babysit when she did her night shift. (I have always had steady engineering office jobs). My main problem was not being able to get my head around her self-destructive binge-ing even though she had her kid. She'd usually have a two day hangover then, and back on night shift so the boy saw little of her. He spent most of his time with his great-gran or with the PS2 games mainly bought weekly by his nan who was feeling guilty. My relationship to Xtb's son has suffered because of the amount of spoiling that has gone on. He lacks social skills and I honestly can't remember the last time he referred to me by name. Also he is constantly attention seeking. He won't even go out of his own way to make a glass of squash unless he nags his mother first! He can't be trusted to run his own bath, at almost age 14. He has had a history of behavior problems through schools but this has mainly gone unpunished - in fact the opposite! His nan will just use the threat of not buying the latest videogame then go and by it anyway! My son & nephew have found him difficult to get on with. And now (as people have spoken to me since word got around we're heading for divorce) I'm hearing how difficult and ignorant he has been when staying at my family member's homes over the years. Me & the Xtb even had a big argument on our wedding day because I gave him a bollocking over his behavior and I caught him stealing alcohol. I hate to say it but my Xtb and her mother have filled me with resentment toward the boy and they have blocked any chance of me bonding with him. Although he does have a bond with Xtb's stepfather. They refuse to see that they have ill prepared him for growing up. He's in constant trouble at school () this week he's been caught jamming open fire doors and disrupting lessons. I only found this out as I decided to phone the school on monday and inform his Head of year that he'd been found drunk on friday night! My Xtb has told me on numerous occassions "He's f*** all to do with you! He's my son I'll decide what punishment he gets". I also get accused of being controlling, this is because she keeps changing th eboundaries/house rules to suit her mood. I see this as a throwback to her relationship with her own father (I could write a book on that bastard!) and she is trying to put that image on me. And she's suspicious/paranoid I would hit Xtb's son. This constant mistrust and arguing has had a really bad affect on me personally. I suffer with anxiety and depression and our rollercoaster relationship and wrecked dynamics has seen me lose/have to leave my job of 8 years. And this last year has been awful as my stepson has become jealous of the baby. There is so much more I could add that's gone wrong. I can't stick the atmosphere any more so before Xmas I asked for a divorce. The third time this year. My Xtb informed me that she had been on the housing list for over a year and was intending to leave in the new year anyway. This didn't come as a shock. Recently I read another blog where the writer said she was "wanting a companion and not just a breadwinner". I know in my heart of hearts that I'm on the opposite end of this feeling, my x2b (and more importantly her mother!) was wanting a breadwinner MUCH more than a companion. And because I was still so raw after my first divorce I've been desperate to fill the emptiness inside with a partner/companion. After witnessing (admittedly by snooping) the wanton spending spree her and her mother have gone on the last two weeks in the ran up to x2b buggerin' off next week, I just feel like a total sucker. A milk-cow being sucked dry. All the clues have been in front of me the last three years but I let my heart rule my head. I put up with any old shit just for an easy life, equilibrium.