Fed up day

Thought this may be a good way to put my feelings down and keep track of things. Have been married for 21 years, with him for 28, thought it was for always he obviously had other ideas! He left couple of weeks before christmas after months of distancing himself more and more. he wants a divorce as soon as possible, I dont - cant get my head round it. Wants me to divorce him for unreasonable behaviour as he says he has got nothing on me as I haven't done anything wrong. Have tried to say this isnt necessary and we can work things out but he is determined. He started new high power job last Jan and it gradualy started from then. Think he saw chances of a new kind of life that he wanted without us. We have 2 kids - 16 and 20 who say its better since he left as theres not all the arguments, although I dont think they were that bad and what wife wouldnt complain when she wanted her hubby at home and not working ridiculous hours? He seems to have it all planned out what HE wants. He came home last weekend and left a divorce paper for me to find that he had printed from the internet and filled out for me to sign so he could get his precious quickie divorce and be off. The confusing thing is that he comes over as if everything is normal and he speaks so normally until I point out I dont see the hurry for the divorce then he threatens to stop paying morgatage and bills unless I play ball.I only work 20 hrs a week and have no chance of covering payments. I wont sign anything without advice and feel he is conning me as things he says dont add up to a fair deal. Went to the solicitor today to try and do things the proper way. Know its no good trying to keep someone who really doesnt want to stay. Most of the time his treatment of me makes me more determined not to get upset over him as he is off getting on with his life without us so I tell myself I am going to enjoy my freedom and independence. But then like tonight I feel like it is all a game, not real. It has just occurred to me the guilt I feel for going behind his back to start real divorce proceedings against him and that everything is normal which it is not.Just feel like I have no other choice. The thing is it is also becoming clearer what his intentions are (he is being very secretive) as I got a phone call couple of days ago from a recruitment company who he sent his CV to for an interview that offer jobs in Australia. How can he be so cold to do this to me and his children after all these years? Hes not even being honest with his family about what hes doing. I am close to them and they've been very helpful and suppotive to me which is a definate lifeline although i'm not their responsibility.I know people say it gets better which I hope it will I just wish I wasn't in th place I'm in right now.