Jan 28

2008

What does she want ?

Posted by phoenix1 in accepting its over

Last week I had finally decided to leave my wife due to her affair and constraint lies even though I am still madly in love with her. I couldn't do this face to face as it was not what I wanted but felt I had been left no choice so wrote her a letter. I gave her the letter on Saturday saying that I wanted to separate and she burst into tears. She has told me that she loves this other person and loves me as a friend only,so why the tears? She said it was because she was scared that she may feel differently in a week or a month and would of blown any chance we had. We spoke about it all day and then went for a drink where she, yes she, held my hand for the first time in ages, and then Saturday night we spent together in bed which was fantastic. Today I am so confused, What does she want ? She can't have her cake and eat it? This is tearing me apart and I can't cope much longer, I love her and want her back but I also love myself and don't want to still be in this horrid place in another two months time. Is she just playing me,confused or scared of losing what we have? Please help it's driving me mad. Thanks

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mike62 said:

January 28, 2008
		What does she want ? She can't have her cake and eat it? Sadly, that is the question to answer. She is being cruel to put you through this, expecting you to wait patiently in the wings until she has decided which is the best option. If she is like this now, how can you trust her in the future? There will always be a doubt. A relationship is between two people, built on trust and honesty. She is using you and it is wrong. If you have the strength of character to step back, then do it and retain your dignity. Don't be a doormat. You deserve so much better. Be strong and do the right thing for you. Mike

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nowitsmylife said:

January 28, 2008
		Hi It sounds to me as though she wants the security that your relationship gives her. She obviously isn?t getting that love and security from any one else perhaps the other guy is married and wont leave his wife, commit to her or doesn?t feel the same as she does I don?t know. Maybe he is just using her as a bit on the side, but one thing for sure you have given her a big headache and now she has to decide, she has to look at what she wants in life and what to do next. Me I would take one big step back and look at everything regarding this relationship and ask is she worth it? Do I deserve better? What?s she going to be like in the future? Can I trust her and so on? It?s easy for me to say this, sitting here not knowing you or the whole story. But I know it won?t be easy for you. Look after yourself you have some tough, difficult decisions to make I hope you get them right best of luck M

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townie said:

January 28, 2008
		I would think she is playing you, or her lover?She seems to want her cake and eat it,have you wait while she makes her mind up. Are you worth more than this?Do you think you can trust her again, as she has no problem with lying to you.Are you still having good times together or have they stopped?As much as you love someone it cannot make them love you back and unless they are worthy of your love and respect you then I would say seperate and let her face what she has done.Good Luck.

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sexysadie said:

January 28, 2008
		I don 't suppose your wife knows what she wants either. That's why she's being so confusing. Her new man and new life are exciting but you are reliable and you have a life together. At some point she will have to decide, but I don't suppose it's easy for her either. She could really blow it and lose you and then regret it afterwards. Sadie

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SK.Callum said:

January 29, 2008
		Try suggesting/telling her that you should both move away from the area so that you can get it back together Im sure that this would give you your answer, if its the one you want then ok you know you have a chance. Then its all within you, can you live with whats happend after youve moved or would it be playing on your mind when ever your away or she says shes gone to visit her parents.

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rosiegirl said:

March 08, 2008
		Try not to go down this "cake and eat it" route broken, I've been there, it normally only leads to heartache and a messed up head. I know its hard to not give in (again, been there ) but putting some time and space between you if you can will help you think clearly about what you really want and can live with, without the impact of hormones having their confusing impact. Good luck.

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