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Jan 25
2008
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mi9d life crisis por serious?Posted by dumped2 in breaking up |
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Mid-life crisis or serious? My husband of 19 years asked me to split up during a drunken row on Sat night. This was not on my radar, he is 50 in April and weve booked a trip to Krakow with a gang of 12, our 20th wedding anniversary is in may and I,ve booked a 'suprise' all inclusive hol to Majorca which I was going to suprise him with on his 50th birthday. As you can see i was not planning on this split, although i cant decide if i really agree with him. He has asked me 2ce before over the years (bothy times in anger when he had had a drink) and both times the next day i asked him if he was serious when he said not at all just angry we spoke and made up. This time i've just said basically ok. we haven't really spoked about it but been pleasant and civilised, he even asked me if I wanted to go to a concert tmrw night, bought my favourite food which was ready when i came homw from wrk tnite but not talked abouit any of the issues. I haven't initiated discussions as would usually be in my charachter as totally unsure of what i want myself so i am giving me time to think too as well as him. we have had an awful 2007 , a dear aunt and a really close friend died, my 25 year old step son made a pass at me ( horrified beyond belief) and i donated a kidney to my brother in May. My brother is fab now but i cant really explain how much kidney donation is emotionally and physically draining over a year of tests and counselling beforehand (compulsary), fear , pain and elation of seeing my bro get his life back. My husband didn't even take me to the hospital or come to visit until it was over. I feel as though some of my love for him died that day as i was giving his details as next of kin after signing consent forms my mum and sis went to support me.I dont mind saying I was'bricking it' H jsut said that he thought I was loving all the attention and was being a drama queen. Clueless. Anyhow things since have not been too grand betwwen us, H is type of person to bury his head in ground, if he doesn't talk about it it hasn't happened. only it has he asked for a split, not talked about it since. I,ve just asked him what he wants to do and i am all ears if he wants to speak. I just dont know what i want myself but part of me thinks we may be better to call it a day but i also know that i would always care about him but cant bare the stress. i honestly dont think its adultary just unhappiness. ps i have been reading this site daily and 1st started to write a blog the same day but accidentally deleted so haven't bothered till now. these are just thoughts that i hope kind of make sense as dont to me.
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ciaobella
said:
| January 25, 2008 | ||
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hi, sound s really awful, I know how you feel in a way, my hubby at 51 just announced he was missing something in life after 18 years together. then admitted he was interested in someone else. I asked him to leave, then racked with guilt thought if i hadnt asked he wouldnt have gone, but i knbow he had to go, i couldn't hang onto something that he had decided to kill off. Its hard to make the decision, you have to trust your instincts, not the fear of being left, and be honest with yourself, what do you like about him? what dont you like, its difficult to be objective. I realised that i had become a shadow of the person i used to be because of my ex's bullying, intimidating attitude, and just to keep the peace i would go along with most anything, my head was in the sand because i refused to believe it could possibly be over when we had shared and i thought loved each other for so long. this all happened 5 months ago and i can honestly say its taken 4 months for me to acknowledge that its over and hes not worth all this pain. Hes not the person i thought he was nor did we have the relationship i thought we had. I'm sorry but thats my experience, i was in denial for so long and didn't want to be the one to take responsability for how bad things had become. I just know it cant get any worse. How he behaved towards you when you donated your kidney is unforgivable, he should have been by your side, didn't he care about you at all, your life was at risk too? I hope i have opened up another way of looking at your situation, thats all and hope you find some solution |
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dumped2
said:
| January 25, 2008 | ||
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He said that he was scared for me and could not understand why i was being chatty as if it was him he wouldn't discuss it. of course it was all about him, cant he understand that we are not alike . i am more of an open book type nof person whilst he finds it difficult to talk about important stuff. thanks for your comments. | |
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nowitsmylife
said:
| January 27, 2008 | ||
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Hi Dumped2 there is not much I can add to ciaobellas comments above but this, Had my wife or daughters gone into hospital for any operation especially one as big as a kidney swap there would have been nothing that would have prevented me going in too see then as often and for as long as i could Nothing. So you think long and hard about your situation stand back from it and have a good long look at it. Don?t jump right in you have plenty of time to make up your mind. Take care. Yes that was and still is me. Summer 2007 tours, France Hunk Ha ha thanks for that one. |
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townie
said:
| January 28, 2008 | ||
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I would advise you to try and get him to talk to you, or have relationship councilling?my soon to be x hubby had a mid life crisis(he is 50 this year)and also had affairs, which until the end I knew nothing about.I think at the age of 49/50 most men reflect on their lives and if you are smart you will too.If you don't think that he cares for you any longer than make steps to either change things or make the break yourself.3 months on I am happier without the stress of trying to make someone happy who doesn't deserve me. You need to get behind what is causing the anger and why he says what he does.Don't bury your head in the sand, confront him, as its the not knowing that is worse. | |
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