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Jan 20
2008
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A hard weekend!Posted by IKNOWNOW in counselling or therapy, attending court |
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First I have the turmoil of what I am going to tell the children; I need to get it clear in my mind before I sit them down and try to explain things. How do you tell 5 young children that their dad doesn't want to see them apart from a phone call once or twice a week? If I knew that he was walking out of their lives for good maybe it would be easier but as he is a law unto himself he may change his tact a few weeks down the line. I know I need to tell them something soon because they are stressed about the "no contact" thing which he instigated on the 30th December 2007. Coupled with 3 looming court dates; my thoughts are all over the place. I can't sleep; I forget to eat and my health is suffering. I know all this is no good for me or the children but I can't see a way out, not at the moment. I now find myself continually questioning myself about the abuse I allowed myself and the children to suffer for so long. I have seen things in myself that I had never noticed before; whether these are coping mechanisms; a front or just me scared to really face up to the hell I have lived for so long. I can see that I am going to have to question everything as far as getting into a new relationship (not that I am actively looking at the moment)how can I trust my own judgement because it is so obviously flawed? I no longer really know what I am thinking. I don't know how I come across to the opposite sex, but I am beginning to learn the hard way (some of you will know what I am talking about). I have been referred on a course for women who have or still do live in abusive relationships, but like everything you have to wait. I am waiting to see a counsellor but again have no date of when this might happen. I will cope, because I have to and have the support of friends and family (including my new found friends on wiki) but it gets harder by the day. Something has to give sooner or later. What hurts the most is how all this is and will effect my 5 lovely children. I know that I had to do what I did on the 23rd July 2007, but that doesn't make it any easier. Maybe I don't like going to bed because I know I have to face yet another day!
Comments (5)
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denmanra
said:
| January 20, 2008 | ||
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ifi, try not to get down, i know you have loads of stregnth and carachter and you have some good people around you on wiki, wether he speaks to them or not your kids will grow up to understand who was the rock for them, who was there at those moments when they were ill and needed comfort, etc.when the counselling comes it will be a blessing as will the focus groups, keep in there! | |
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sexysadie
said:
| January 20, 2008 | ||
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I feel exactly the same today. Awful, isn't it. Sadie |
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Jacko
said:
| January 20, 2008 | ||
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Sorry to hear that things are getting on top of you today hopefully things will look better tomorrow. As painful as it is for you right now and you agonize as to what to say to them I'm sure the children will come to realize if they don't already know why you have been forced into this awful situation!! |
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Twink
said:
| January 22, 2008 | ||
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If....one thing I have learned....no matter what you tell your kids...as long as you give them lots of love...it is amazing what they can deal with (and great therapy for you too ) As long as they have you as a rock...then they will handle it(in my case they did) and that means that you have to take care of you!! They are needing you to stay healthy ! I made the mistake of letting my stress take over and ended up in the hospital not being able to eat or drink for two weeks...lost too much weight....couldn't walk...or tolerate anything in my system. It was tough on my kids...and tough on me. I have learned to take time for myself..walking, talking with a trusted friend, going for coffee...and doing the things that make me smile..even if it can only be for 15 min in the day. I used to hate it when people said"it will get better...trust me.." cause I just couldn't see it. But it has been 4 years(it didn't take that long though  ...and...somethings do get better...and some stay the same....but what gets better is I see my children happy and healthy cause I removed them from a situation that was going to harm them and I have become proud of myself for being a mom who loves her kids so much that I can handle what life throws at me...cause I am stronger than I thought. You can do this If....keep those friends around you....keep those hugs and kisses flowing....do the things that put a smile on your face....and take it one day at a time! We ALL know you can do it! |
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ciaobella
said:
| January 25, 2008 | ||
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you've got to trust yourself, you adapted to the situation you were in and made the best of a shit deal, how could you find the strenth to walk out on a relationship where he intimidated and bullied you, you had to keep things together for your kids, they came first and you were only putting up with his crap to protect them. You'll find yourself again, and realise you are worth a hell of a lot more than he ever made you feel. talk to as many people as you can, share it, dump it on friends and others going through the same crap, like us, its helped me, you stop feeling so isolated and alone. take care xx | |
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