I spend a few days on a family holiday with my son and my estranged wife. We are civil with each other, in stark contrast to the many angry phone calls over the month of August. My son continues to be incredibly level headed over the whole separation. We have a fun time but I end the trip without any resolution or reconciliation. I think we both realise that it is over between us that my sympathy for my wife's illness is not a good enough basis to continue a stale

My wife told me this week that she has been diagnosed with a serious illness. My immediate thought is to rush back to her. Over the last few days we have spent hours researching the condition on the internet, and even longer on the phone discussing what the prognosis is. The feelings of guilt and worry are eating away at me.

My wife is currently very much in stage 1 - she's mad as the angriest, most violent souls in the Seventh level of Dante's Hell.

I am getting up to 30 voice messages a day on my mobile. As I am overseas I have to pay 50p to listen to each message - and i have to because there might be some business messages in there somewhere. This voicemail flooding is the high tech version of taking a pair of sissors to my wardrobe of suits.

As well as the voice mails we have had several long conversations. Her mood swings violently from begging me back one minute, to threatening to send over contract