Another "first"

Just getting myself into the right frame of mind for my first Chrstmas without the ex. Lots of positives, like there being no drunk in the corner, no-one dissing my plans for festive entertainment for the kids, no-one dictating my mood. But I know I'll feel a bit alone and a bit weird, even though I've got my kids with me and my mum and dad are coming to visit. It'll just be different, and I'm determined to be positive about it.

Having said that, he came over today to give my eldest son his birthday present. Then he said that he felt like he was in a bad dream but never wakes up, and that he wanted to stay a bit longer because he finds it hard to drive away (from me). I made him a cup of tea and then he asked me again if I'd consider taking him back. I said no, and that I found it upsetting that he keeps asking to come back even though we're divorced and he's living with his girlfriend. The he started cryingand saying he was sorry and he didn't know why he'd cheated on me. I said I didn't know why he'd done it either, but he had and that was the end of it.

So now he's gone I'm left feeling all emotional and a bit weepy. I don't know why I feel like this because I really don't want him back. He's coming over on Christmas morning to give the kids their presents, so that'll be another ordeal for me.

So my "empty" feeling has now been replaced by a "weepy" one. It's just a phase. Another one!

Oh, my horoscope (don't believe in them but they amuse me) says I'll meet an older man on 12 January who will have a remarkable effect on me. Can't wait! Hope he has the patience of a saint, doesn't mind me snoring, doesn't drink or fart and has pots of money!!!

Hope everyone has the best Christmas they can and has a better 2008 than 2007!