Myself & lifes ups & downs

It's easy for me to say that all of the days in the 59 years of my life contributed significantly to who I am today. Mmmm, if only I could call for the excitement of each and every one of them in order to carry that same enthusiasm into to however many more days of the future!

What if the sands of time could have move me from one safe haven to another, how simple my life would be. Instead I have been cast violently out to sea in a turbulent storms that cleansed me and gently put me back on shore, a little stronger, a lot more understanding, and with each storm I've become more beautifully polished.

It's as if I ventured from day to day, especially as a child; absorbing those parts of life that capture my curiosity and satisfy my quench for life's experiences. Nothing seems to escape me as take in everyone, everything, never enough time.

It didn't matter if it was real or fictional; I absorbed something from it all and delicately stored it in the back of my mind. Life is like a treasured stained glass window; its fragile, beautiful, hypnotic, always changing, ever turning me into whoever it is I am today.

Don't misunderstand me; I knew "who" I was of course, just ask me. Heheh. I was naive and fragile with an emerging identity. Starting with the basic foundation that genetics provided me with, and then I expanded this by the emotions I witnessed and experienced daily. Some saved to emulate for life, or temporarily, depending on it's significance. Others, I kept deeply locked away, all of which would guide my senses of right from wrong throughout my life.

My Friendships

The most rare gift woven into the fibres of my being, since memory can be recalled, is that of friendship. When moving around the world constantly, always a new mountain, a new river, new people every year, I was forced to learn the multiple complexes and traits of human nature, or be devoured. Children and some adults are the cruellest people going! I learned a Childs life was not as pure and naive as I was led to believe. After observing a few role models, the skill of cunningly assessing a person, quietly until their true character surfaced (believe me, it will) was learned. All the little things are not important; they are inherent everyone.

When it's summed up, people are good or bad at heart, or sometimes worse or indifferent. It was those who demonstrated in some small way to be good of heart that I would let into my inner sanctum and try to earn their respect and friendship. The value and strength of friends will last forever. The memories I hold are more than likely of those times shared with friends.

My choices

Simply put it's what life is all about. I chose to do everything that I do in adult life. Understanding this can make life so much more pleasant. How I conduct myself. Where I live. Who I love, respect and who I don't. What I do for a living. How I live each day of my life. These are all my choices.

If I'm not making my choices on those things that affect my life, then I'm least likely to accept them and be happy with life. No one else can make choices for me. Only I can fully weigh the advantages or disadvantages my decision will have on others and, possibly, me. In a relationship (personal or working), others must be taken into consideration when weighing major decisions. It is best if those types of decisions are collaborated, with a little give and take. However, I don't totally compromise my needs to the extent where I will resent the

others or myself for the decision I allow to be made. I don't go to deliberately go and make choices, which I know will hurt others just to satisfy my needs. In any relationship there is a certain amount of negotiation required to get a win-win situation, its just unfortunate that some try to make us bleed for ever.

Ultimately I have to live with the decision. So, I make sure it's something I'm willing to accept. If it bothers someone else, then that is his or her choice. That's life! :-)

Life

Everyone is born with an illness, its called life. Life is a wondrous thing. Its beauty has wonderful sunrises and sunsets, the colours of flowers in bloom, trees in autumn, the feel of the earth in our fingers, the sun kissing our face, the wind embracing our skin, the sand in our toes. Little creatures that roam the land and the joy I feel in my heart at the things that bring me the most pleasure. The peace and contentment I feel when things are right. And then there's love. Love is a fantastic thing! It makes me glow; it makes the world a wonderful place to be. The love of family, of friends, of that one, that very special one who recently came into my life, Love of the earth and Love of myself. To love and believe in yourself after divorce is a new beginning where we can write our own future.

I could be disheartened and ask what is it all really for. Why do I need respect others, and lead a decent life etc. if I live only to die? Because, what kind of life would I have otherwise? Life is really something to celebrate and rejoice in.

I think the loss of love also has a gift to give too. The chance to know how priceless life really is. And if I learn one thing in my life of going through three wars, deaths of family and that of friends, , I walk this earth now with a deeper respect for my own life and that of others. It's as if suddenly there is very little that can truly hurt me, heheh, It still tries. But everything else seems mundane. It's a shame these final lessons come at such a great price.