Finally start couple counselling.

Well the long awaited couple counselling started this Wednesday. the counsellor seems to have lots of experience - trained by Relate and 15 years in counselling on her own. Easy to talk to and listens well.

There was a lot of apprehension on both sides I think. I have seen it as very important and my wife has finally bought in to the idea. She asked us how long we have been together, what we liked about each other in those early days, what each of us see our issues as and what we each hoped to gain from counselling. We were both very calm in our voice tone, there were a few barbs but nothing thrown, no raised voices and no insults. She actually remarked how measured we were. So it may be significant.

So we have agreed that initially we meet once per week for first 6 weeks to get momentum going. Cost is not going to be easy around Christmas time but at £40 a pop it is a lot cheaper than solicitors letters! (Though there is no guarantee that those won'tbe needed later). But, of course Christmas sits bang in the middle. That difficult family time when you need help such as this, stops you receiving the very same help.

I must admit that I was put off balance immediately before the meeting. We had met up at McD's for a quick coffee (my wife had been to her works do and come from the hotel) and had a pleasant if restrained chat. then less than 15 minutes before we are due to start my wife announces that she wants to cover in this first meeting, where we are, how we got here, how she feels and my 'issues' . I was so glad we had agreed to go into the session with open minds and attitudes. This really got to me. This could have been discussed at any time before the counselling (and I don't think it was done deliberately) but 15 minutes before we are due to start this new process was, I felt, unreasonable. I just said that counsellor was experienced and that we should let her set direction and pace and use what tools she saw fit. It took a lot of the positive out of the moment though and caused some resentment on my side.

My wife did take this on board. We got home and I was not right, on edge and unsettled. At first I thought it was the counselling but realised it was this. My wife realised that she shouldn't have said it at that moment and said that she will bring it up at next session. So I do appreciate that she has realised the effect it had.

I am sorry that this may be long and rambling but it helped me to off-load this and I realise from some of the forum postings that there are people who are trying to avoid divorce and want more views on couple counselling. If you have read this far then a big well done to you.

Merry Christmas one and all.