My 7th year in divorce Christmas

I have been to independant for several years now and here we are the best season of the year is nigh.

As has been siad when life changes you have to move on, and so we do I have got on with things "you have to".

As just another person living on their own again, for several years I have had some bad Christmases, but I Know my my worst time as an adult was 3 years ago, out of work with 4 grandkids all I could get was a little somthing from the £ shop it was crap I know it was but it was a present. I got some awful cards for a £ also.

Then disaster struck again 2 weeks before Christmas kicking me while I was down. and for 16 weeks I had no money coming into the house what so ever. I wrote to every one EU MPs the PM and cronies and got the sme answer from them all cant change the ruling have to draw the line, yet a person collecting dole money and benefits was better off per month by £115 than I was with my pension.

During my quest to find how I was to eat and getting various interviews with people when the food finaly run out I felt I was down below gutter level, I manged to get to the Sally annes (Salvation Army) for one meal a day and relied on other charities for bits of help.

In one home interview the sally anne came to my house and with no heat on for over 2 weeks my house temp had dropped down to -2C he walked in and from his warm body came mist off his breath, almost blaspheming :-) he asked how long Id been living like this he could not belive it, he even phoned and wrote to the those Gov dep and got the same response as i did, felling lo was not the word any more, my mind was just switched off to survival mode I had to take my gas fire and then searched the country side for branches I could saw up with my borrowed bow saw, never did get any good king wenslas coming out to me :-) I wore lots of clothes, warmed water in a old black kettle placed on the fire and ate what ever was in the house as sparingly as possible, I suppose you could say the good side of that was I lost 36Lbs, but Im afraid it did my system no good what so ever, doing it through the eye of a needle is painful.

Each day to keep warm I would go and sit in any supermarket by the windows where ever it was warm or walk round, do you know what the feeling is like having every security person following you round looking at you as if your a low down scum thief, moving you on, when just weeks ago you earned nearly twice his wage a month.

Was I wrong to make sure my mortgage was paid to keep a roof over my head even if I couldnt pay of buy anything else, I dont think so, I had worked my backside off to clean this house up after the X left it wasnt a palace and to most it probabley looked rough but it was clean, what decoration I was able to do was given to me by poeple who didnt want it any more ie out of date wall paper half tins of paint all that kind of thing. knowing my art helped in mixing odd bits to a very suitable colour so glosses were ok :-) sort of hehe cheap gloss is awful people to much clay in it and it dulls after a few moths :-) dont buy unless its all there is.

So where was I, in very near abject poverty a house to live in but couldnt run it, no food, electric, gas. I spent Christmas day with my daughter and Gkids, showing that brave face as you have to do. after that I had just me and a cold house to take me through the rest of the year. till spring and the warmer weather comes in, or a job.

I found myslef thinking of my X not in any nice mode but wishing all the bad things in life that could happend would, I sat thinking about the debt I was left with, her settlement figure she was now spending and the warm christmas she was having with food and proably wacked out of her alchoholic mind, what did I have, a camping chair,camping table camp bed, sleeping bag and two ring camping cooker. now coming to my 8th year and though divorced My X still affects my christmas, Im only slightly better off financialy but for how much long I dont know this time the house may have to go. Im down to heating in the house at night only for 3 hours to have hot water in the tank, you hould try bathing in a sink heheh :-)

So X still in warm house, Gov pays X to drink £85 a week, gets everything else there is to get in benfits, me I have just over a 1/3 of that a week to cover everything. the chances of work are slim nobdy wants a person with slight stroke damge and aged :-) I suppose my consolation is that at least my mind is clear and can still think, my hatred which is starting to eat at me is that Im going to loose out again if X is to get part of pension, that puts keeping this house well out of my reach. Just another Christmas of being single where the iron knickers brigade insist in only happens to women, B-a-h, kin humbug Merry kin christmas.