Background

Hi, So here I am 6 months after my ex told me he was having an affair with one of my closest friends and that he was leaving me and the children for her.

Cold hard and to the point. Supposedly they had only consumated it 6 weeks before he leaves.

He walks out on 18 years of marriage and 24 years of a relationship. He leaves 2 children (and his dog!) with no guilt and the only comment being - there was a problem that needed solving so I have solved it!

So where has that left me?

I was devastated to begin with.

I petitioned for divorce in early July and made the mistake of naming her as a co-respondent. Finally last week the petiton was returned signed by him (at the end of September) and denied by her.

So I have gone to the local court and sworn on the bible that my affadavit is true. Not a pleaseant experience and for a Christian very difficult. To anyone in the same position can I suggest you take someone with you as it seems a sordid end towhat started as a childhood dream.

And the soap opera part - for the summer I agree to pay for his mobile phone, and his car tax, allow him to see the children in the matrimonial home and pay for the food! In return he allows the children to stay up all night and paint on the carpet!

We have joint friends and several did not approve of ther behaviour. To put it in context I sponsored her sports activity and bought fodder for her horses! I entertained her, had her to stay when times were hard and she baby sat my children. A month after him leaving I was staying away with my parents (in another county) she had bleach put on her lawn and paint on her fence - who was automatically responsible - me! So I get a phone call from the police that she has complained to them and it seems I am the only change in her life. The wording was X has said that since she has been with your expartner these things have happened and we are wondering if you can help. Rather funny hearing your husband described as your expartner - well funny isn't the right word! The policemans tone did change when I said that we were married and that was I responsible for her lose of business as well! She isn't sweet and innocent I know she isn;t - after all she was one of my friends - we used to joke about the number of ment she could play off at one time, not to mention the 4 year affair she had with a married man (not my ex at that point)! Never thought she'd go for mine.

So double betrayal.

The sad bit is the children - I told our 6 year old daughter that Daddy still loved her and so did Mummy but Daddy couldn't live withMummy anymore as he loved someone else. He pulls our son out of school tells him he is leaving for X (who my son has a serious crush on by the way) and will be in touch.

Now he is unable to work as that would mean he wouldn't get legal aid! And she hides her income through cash payments. He won't see his children and has gone for an IVA and threatens me with texts like - pay my debt or I will go bankrupt. I refuse and get the classic Fox trot Oscar you B*****.

So now he won't see his children. I was asked by solicitor to remind him that he signed a statement on childcare - what do I get in return - "don't contact me or I'll call the police for harrassment!"

Then the lies ... how his family adore her ... interestingly his famly are not in contact with him ... to the point I've been invited to theirs for Christmas. How I have hidden money - hang on I didn't plan on breaking up so why would I hide money!! Still bankstatements will show where its all gone! How at a mutual friends wedding I was told to behave and they were greeted like long lost friends- ummm think not - my recollection is my asking them when they were leaving so the children could say goodbye as I had been told by the brides mother they were leaving after the speeches - and I will admit I did get cross and use words like etiquette! Only for her to go and change into another outfit (which she had obviously not planned to have with her) and for the brides brother to discretely ask them to leave!! Oh and the nickname Barbie or plastic fantastic really goes along with the "totally" accepted piece!

I am surprised how angry I still am. The betrayal by both puts a cold edge deep inside me. That he can sit in total denial of doing anything wrong, that he can be so angry with me.

It may surprise you but I had little idea at the time that there was so much wrong in my marriage - with hindsight I can see all sorts of things - but at the time we were talking about holidays, we celebrated your 18th wedding anniversary 2 days before he left - complete with champagne, roses - there was never anything wrong with our sex life either - at least not that I was aware of.