Can pencils be used violently?

Well we had another chat on Monday about things. I said that I was not happy to enter couple counselling with sole aim of 'agreeing separation'. It may well be the outcome that we both agree on but that should not be the only aim. I see it involving our current feelings towards each other and their causes.

My wife said that she couldn't discuss things with me because of my anger. Well I have looked into this a lot and anger is quite normal when you feel you are moving apart and one party won't discuss it. It is positively harmful to surpress the emotion, I have been told. I was aware of her issues with my 'anger'. The occasional slamming of a door, driving away from the house when upset, raised voices - nothing too drastic.

Out of the blue, she said and it was my violence. That really did catch me off guard. I asked her to explain. 'You throw things'. I still could not see it. I asked her for examples. 'You throw pencils,pens, books!'

Crikey! Let's be clear they were not 4H super hard pencils ground to a point. They were not even thrown at anyone. They were thrown down at my home office table before I left the room in frustration. The books I cannot remember. It turns out they may have been notebooks - not War and Peace or any other book of mass destruction.

So I presume that the police will now be interested in me for having some sharpened pencils that could be used for violent purposes. Watch out WH Smiths you are next - for supplying these tools of violence.

So, the pattern seems to be that slamming a pencil on a table is violent, raising a voice above normal talking volume is shouting, driving away from the house in a sub-1 litre car is road rage (this car could never speed), occasional slamming of doors is violent. What many people would see as behaviour normally encountered during a year is suddenly 'my problem' and I am being asked to suppress these expressions of emotion.

This is destructive in that it stops a range of feelings being expressed, and puts one person in control of what another person feels. I am not prepared to accept that any more. My range of expression needs to be restored - but I may still step away from the pencil tin just to be safe! Don't worry violence has never been in my range of emotions.

The trouble is how can you get someone in a fragile state to see that they have issues and they are not all mine. She must see that for herself and do something about it but then she would lose an element of control that she needs to balance the lack of control in other aspects.