Looking towards the future...

This weekend was not what I expected, nor was the outcome of the events that followed.

There is good news and bad news...then more good news.

I dropped off my son at his daycare Friday morning and headed off to Las Vegas for a job interview I've been anticipating for a couple of weeks. My x2b was going to pick up my son and I had expected that she would not be alone, so I warned the teachers at the daycare so they would not be surprised. My suspicions were accurate.

My wife told me of her plans to take my son to Disneyland over the weekend, and I thought that was fine. Better, by far, than the alternative scenarios that my mind had created over the past week leading up to this. It was the first time my son had been alone with her other than 2 or 3 day business trips that I had taken while our marriage was supposedly "happy".

My interview began early andI have to say, I nailed it. It was a great interview and I left feeling positive, despite my worries of what was going on with my son, my x2b, and her new partner. I ended up meeting the interviewing manager, my friend who had recommended me for the position, and several of their colleagues for dinner and drinks that night. After a few hours, I left dinner and met some old friends out at a local bar for some more drinks and socializing. On a side note, I have to say that I was very disappointed with my friends who were still doing the same old crap they did 6 years ago when I moved away. Not the most exciting night, but somewhat destracting.

My wife sent me a text message later in the evening that my son was having a wonderful time. I guess that made me feel better, though I was having difficulty with the notion that my wife and son were spending a family weekend together with a stranger in my place. I ended up out pretty late and was able to sleep soundly through the night on a friend's sofa, thanks to a little help from an evening of beers.

Saturday morning, I awoke much earlier than I had hoped and spent most of the morning lounging around and playing Rainbow Six - Las Vegas with my friend on his PS3. That's actually a better distraction than drinking. Fairly early into the afternoon, I received a picture message on my phone. A picture of my son with Goofy, send from the phone of my wife's new partner. I found that a little irritating, to say the least. My friend and I headed over to another friend's house for a guy's afternoon of drinking, barbecue grilling, and Ultimate Fighting Challenge on the big screen. I spent the rest of the afternoon disturbed by the whole notion of being left out of my family's events and feeling like the x2b was "rubbing it in" a little. We headed back to the house where I was spending the night, and I fell asleep quickly from the mental exhaustion.

I got up again early Sunday morning and waited around a while before heading back home. I made arrangements to meet my wife along the way near a major intersection of 2 freeways, to make things convenient for her. Upon my arrival, I found her and my son outside an SUV that I did not recognize. My son ran to me, thrilled to see me! That made me feel so good. As I was putting him in my car, I was noticeably upset and my x2b seemed very calm about everything. As I went to the trunk to put his bags in the car, my wife's new partner came out of a nearby shop and stood by their car watching us. I was really upset by this. What arrogance! I got into the car and my wife was outside the back door saying goodbye to our son. She looked at me and asked why I was upset. I proceeded to go on a rant about her behavior, her disrespect for me and disregard for my feelings. I told her that I didn't appreciate getting a picture message of my son from her boyfriend. I insulted her for her cowardess by running away from a marriage and family simply because she was bored. She told me that she didn't want to continue the conversation in front of my son, so I told her I was leaving. She shut the door and I backed the car from its space, and pulled away angrily, some squealing tires, but nothing erratic. I just had to get out of there.

A few minutes down the freeway, my son began crying for his mother. Unable to console him, I decided to call her and put him on speaker phone. After a few minutes of him crying in the phone for her, she asked me to take the speaker off. I got on the phone and went on blaming her for her poor decisions and how it will affect our son emotionally for the rest of his life. She was angry and we argued a bit before I hung up the phone.

The rest of the night was very difficult, for both me and my son. I took him to school this morning, and I think he was glad to be back in his routine.

Later that morning, my friend called me regarding the interview. They offered me the position, a generous salary, and a signing bonus to assist with my move. This was extremely great news, in light of the weekend's events (although I still have to go through all the logistics if Human Resources, so it's not 100% yet). My x2b called a short while afterwards to discuss details of our home going on the market for sale. I apologized for my reactions the day before, but told her that I had come to a realization. All of her comments about still loving me and being unsure of what she wanted left me grasping onto hope. All of that was destroyed the minute I saw her together with her new boyfriend. I told her that I did not want her back anymore and that I was done waiting. I said I wanted to move on with my life and get over all of this. We agreed to keep things as amicable as possible for our son's sake, but that there would be no more talk of working things out. She said she still loved me, but not in a way to make the marriage work. I told her that I wasn't sure if I would have been able to go on with her forever anyway. I wanted wife that wanted to be home with her family, and that she was never there. Maybe I would have been the one to leave her in another year or two.

I have come to a brand new place through all of this. I know there is no turning back, and I'm growing anxious now to get on with my life and to do new things.

The divorce and splitting of property and the mess that goes with all of that will still have to happen one day. I know that time will be terrible, but at least I'm progressing. Just another step in the path of my new life. It will be a couple weeks before I know about the final details of the career move. I'm hoping it all works out fine. In the end, I will be much better off.