surplus to requirement

Posted by ruby in being single, accepting its over

i have read a few blogs,they have made me smile,get cross and also miffed at how someone who once loved you,can treat you like rubbish.it makes you reflect on every bit of your relationship.were you ever truly loved,when did there feelings and more to the point there respect for you go.couples split up for a number of reasons,adultery a main one.so i hope i dont bore you, and share my experience of how im feeling.

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ruby said:

November 08, 2007
		i was told 8 weeks ago by ex,that he no longer happy and didnt want to be with me.we have been married 2 yrs,together 5.we have just moved home 6 months ago.he was adamant there no one else.....dont they all say this?i knew when he told me it over he meant it,i suppose when i look back i can see how we werent as close.i never thought of leaving him though.he moved to my home from london,80 miles away,he or rather we would visit now and again his friends,but the weeks leading up to split he had gone on 3 seperate occasions overnight,lads nights out blah blah.being the trusting wife i was glad he was cathching up.did for a fleeting moment think why is he not taking me though?that should have been my first clue.after he told me we over i found our mobile contract bills,he had managed 3000 mins in calls and1800 txts in the month b4 he split with me.when i confronted him with this,like the gutless dog he is he denied there being anyone else.i became aware that he had his phone on silent,thats how i never heard txts.may i just add at this point when we arguing about phone calls,and txts he confiscated my phone!!this because he pays contract bill,i let the dog have it,and purchased a new one.may i also add that he hasnt felt the need to pay any bills,mortage and everything totals 1149 per month,his contribution zero.he lifted all his wages and has probably spent it at the casino.also hotel bills which can you believe were for mr and mrs!!!!when i found this my legs went to jelly,for a moment..... after that shock i just felt angry,he has been taken someone to hotel and she claiming to be the missus,i told him what a catch,such integrity.she prob mrs smith one week and another name the next.so she obviously no he is married. for this reason i hope she gets everything she deserves!! a man who cheats on wife,dont pay his way and is basiclly a complete arsehole. the atmosphere at home is tragic,he hasnt moved out.why should he,he gets free rent at home!!the first week before i found evidence there someone else we ignored each other,next couple of weeks the arguments very heated,police called,him pushing me about.i am quick with my mouth though,sometimes thats all us girls got,so i no i pushed a few buttons. what does he expect though?he thinks im crazy,porkpie short of picnic,psycho and all the rest. he expected me to move out,go kip on some ones couch,even his mum suggested this!thats a different story. anyway im going on now. ohh and he denying taking anyone to hotels,this how much of an idiot he really thinks i am?last time we argued about it he was saying ok i admit it i did ,we had sex all night she was fantastic,we done this we done that ,he was very detailed.i just looked at him ,and thought you sad sad bastard. he saying all this as if he trying to make out he lying,were as i no it prob the truth. can you believe this,i still cant.here the man 2 years ago i married,who sang to me,give me the best day of my life,and treatsyou like this? i have bad days,but it not really just about him,its about my dream of happily ever after.so that what keeps me going.this man dont deserve me to crumble in front of him.i no there decent men out there.his timing was impeccable also,we had just been accepted for ivf,as im infertile.so was this reason he ended it too ive asked myself,no i dont think so.god nos how i would feel if he got this person pregnant???hurt i suppose.im glad i didnt have child with him though,another person to be put through all this,i suppose what you never had you never miss. work is beckoning at the moment,so will continue later with my rant!!!

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Vail said:

November 08, 2007
		Hi Ruby, It does good to put it all down and know that others will read it and know how you feel, well roughly how you feel as no one is identical. I thought you might like to know that your husband's behaviour during adultery and after being confronted with it, is very very similar to that of my xtb. The same mobile 'phone business, same denials and same wonderful descriptions of sex. Did you by any chance get told as well that it was all your fault? It would be remarkable if not!

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ruby said:

November 09, 2007
		he is enjoying giving me mental torture,thats how it feels anyway,it all a big joke to him.when we argue he looks so smug,first he denies there someone,then goes into discriptions,i just wish he would go.he isnt contributing and he on double my wage!!!must be keeping all his money to impress gf with primier lodge inns!!i told him to expect divorce papers from sol.he said he going to be awkward and not sign them?can he do this.can i tape him and give to my sol what is going on ,im a strong person ,but he is beginning to break me.he says how he loves how all this eating away at me.im stuck big time.i cant meet mortage payments every month,he wont allow my brother to move in to help with payments,this was arranged when i thought he moving last month,i wish there was a law to remove controlling manipulative bullys from the home.and yes it does help to write all this down.as im sure with most people its a place you can be true,not putting a brave face on and pretend to be coping.i cant wait to be rid of 18 stone of childish d***head!

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Vail said:

November 09, 2007
		Hi Ruby, Your husband can't be forced to sign divorce papers but he can be held to have received them by having them served on him by an officer of the court. if you are divorcing him for adultery he can deny this so it may also be worthwhile to divorce him for unreasonable behaviour. For the latter you'll need to keep a diary of his unreasonable behaviour and most importantly the mental torture. If you are EVER concerned for your safety, contact the police. That is what it's there for and it'll corroborate your diary in months to come. Tape him by all means, but let him know in writing that you'll be taping his abuse otherwise it won't be admissable in court. I don't understand why you allow him to decide whether your brother moves in. It's your house as well isn't it? If he isn't contributing and your brother is prepared to contribute then it makes a) financial sense and b) mental sense because of the support I presume you'll receive.

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