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Nov 07
2007
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Well, my Decree Nisi just came through, I've got the house transferred into my sole name, got away without sharing any of the equity with him, got 2 payrises in the last 3 months and for the first time in 15 years have got spare money at the end of the month.
Problem is, now there are no battles to fight and no uncertainties left, I just feel empty. I'm sitting here on my own, one child in bed and the other in his room on his Playstation, and I'm worried now that I'll get depressed or give up on things.
I have these moments of desolation. They started about a month ago and are still popping into my life. I keep saying to myself that it's just a phase and I'll work through it. I've never lived on my own before, so I suppose I need to learn how to do it, and have some sort of plan. Don't have any idea how that might look.
Yesterday one of those market research people called at my door and I invited her injust so I could have someone to talk to! I quite enjoyed it, but it tells me I need to get out more! I'll invite my friends round for a get-together later this month. Trouble is, they always want to know "how I'm coping" and I end up re-living things. So I'll have to tell them it's off the agenda.
I had a dream the other night that I kissed a bloke at a Christmas party. He looked like Riddian off theX Factor (stop laughing). It felt really bad, like I'd committed adultery. But I'm allowed to see other men now that I'm (nearly) divorced. I think I'm just terrified at the prospect of "dating" after 21 years of marriage.
The Ex comes over about once a week. He always wants a hug and he says he misses me. What do I do? I don't want to stab him in the eyes any more, but I really can do without the sob story when he comes over. I don't love him any more. He slept with another woman and now he's living with her. What am I supposed to say to him when he says he misses me?
I've got the "wedding anniversary" covered next month anyway. I'm taking the kids away for a couple of days to avoid sitting around and thinking about what happened 22 years ago. The Ex wanted to take me out for lunch. I really don't think he's dealing with the divorce. Yet he's living with Miss Droopy Knickers! I don't get it.
I'm really lucky that my mum and dad are so supportive (and my mum- and dad-in-law). They look after the kids when I'm away with work and are encouraging me to go out and do things. And I do, but I get these flat moments when it all seems futile and pointless. It'll work itself out. If it doesn't I'll go see the doctor and get some Prozac!
Oh, and can anyone explain the pros and cons of a maintenance order versus going through the CSA? The Ex isn't making regular payments and I need to sort it out sometime.
Hope everyone's doing okay. What a world, what a world!!
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emotionally disorientated
said:
| November 09, 2007 | ||
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you keep it going dear, your spirit will push you foreward. like to discuss my dillemma with you sometime. Please read my story, it might help yours. Would like to know more about your problems, if you wish. | |
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lilybet59
said:
| November 11, 2007 | ||
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wow!!!!!!! how on earth did you manage to get property to your sole name,sorry but i forgotten your origonal post, cant afford to sort out my home,still x name on nearly 3yrs post divorce. no ancillary relief was sorted out. nice to raed about some-one finally getting a fair outcome from the system.regards liz.  |
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SK_Max
said:
| November 12, 2007 | ||
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Is this with the agreement of the court for the settlement or just with each other. | |
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Milady
said:
| November 12, 2007 | ||
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Hi My ex said he would gave me his share of the house whilst he was feeling guilty just after I'd kicked him out for having an affair. My solicitor waded straight in and got the papers signed up before ex had time to re-think. My solicitor said to get it done whilst the ex was still in guilt mode. Fortunately the bank loaned me over and above their usual limits - helps that I work for them! Sometimes I don't know how lucky I am. When I read some of the posts I think I've no right to feel low or upset about things. I'm by far better off financially now that when we were married, which is just plain weird. I'm going to have to chase him for maintenance as he's not paying. Whilst I don't absolutely need it, these are his children and he should support them. I'm waiting for the Absolute before I push it though. I know I've been lucky to get things "my own way" this far. But then, he did bounce around on top of another woman, so in my view he deserves to gain nothing from it. And whilst he is a little shit, he does have some sense of right and wrong. He didn't want the kids to have to move home because of what he'd done, so decided to forego his share of the equity on the house so I could take over the mortgage. |
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SK_Max
said:
| November 13, 2007 | ||
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My ex agreed to every thing and I have a signatures from her sols but without a court and judges agreement as far as I can see not worth the sodding paper its printed on, X has come back saying that due to depression and addiction was not in a fit state to understand any of it and now wants more of the little share I had out of it, if that goes ahead then it will be an ujust split of 80/20 as X has blown all the settlement figure agreed to. | |
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Milady
said:
| November 13, 2007 | ||
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Hi Yes, the whole thing went before the judge and he granted the Consent Order which means the house is legally mine and the ex can't come back either now or at any time in the future and get his hands on the equity. I guess I'm lucky that ex has not done a u turn, and he hasn't even engaged a solicitor. All ex wanted was for me to leave his pension alone, which I agreed to (informally), mainly because my pension is adequate and I'll have equity in the house when I retire. Just waiting for the Absolute now and it's a done deal. I think I've had it easy compared to most, but god knows how I'd have coped if it had been any more painful! |
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