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Nov 07
2007
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Silly things..and nothing more.Posted by sals44 in being single, bad day, accepting its over |
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Feeling a little lost in my busy world.
Got to work today as usual and had a guilty pang..wondering if the youngest had managed to get herself up for school, so had to switch off Mum mode and put my working girls hat on. It's a matter of trust, I have to trust that the girls will manage without me and learn that we just have to do what we have to do, but I had a moment of anger..wondering what X2B was up to..while I work and worry.
I had a momentary lapse of preserving my decoram as a professional and retreated to the fact that I was a newly made single woman and asked a colleague.."when should I take my wedding ring off"...how strange how obscure..but in a strange way..I suppose I was relaying the fact that as much as I seemed fine..I am still struggling...
But the wedding ring thing is playing on my mind..why can I not take it off..I feel balanced with it on yet fear the nakedness with it off...
I am making the mental preparation to take it off one day with the engagement ring and place it with his, in a ceremony like a burial.
One day the children will find them...like the teeth collected by the tooth fairy.
So now I realise I am getting a little sentimental, I valued my marriage and did once love my X2B I perhaps feel that I cannot just forget that major part of my life..it's what brought me to this date with all that I have now and all that I have lost.
I feel that it's a little like visiting a grave, to say another goodbye.
But then I look forward to the future, with an acceptance of the past.
Another problem I am facing is when to divorce, in some ways I don't want to go there, I do not want to be the one to initiate it, I would rather be able to hold my hands up and say it was not me it was him, he could have come home but he chose not to, he could have tried, he could have fought hard to keep me, but did not want to...so I failed to keep my marriage going, but he failed for not even trying.
So it's all silly things but it clarifies where my head is today.
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Milady
said:
| November 07, 2007 | ||
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Hi I can really relate to the wedding ring thing. Eventually I took my wedding and engagement rings off, but put another ring on my wedding ring finger for a time. It stopped me feeling "naked" and took away the crazy feeling that everyone would instantly notice that I'd taken my rings off. Now I've transferred the replacement ring onto my right hand and wear nothing on my left. My wedding rings are in the safe and I think they'll stay there for ever. His ring is on the shelf in the bathroom. I'm working out a way of moving it, but don't know where to put it. I don't want it in the safe near mine. But I also don't want to see it every morning when I brush my teeth! I think these little things really define the sadness we go through. Even if we aren't in love with our exes, we were when we were married, and that's what we're remembering. Reminiscing is dangerous. For the first few months after I kicked him out I had the jitters about going to work and leaving my kids with their grandparents. The single mum thing really hits you, doesn't it. Sometimes I work away from home for the odd night, and I've only just got over a horribly guilty feeling that I should be at home. But I think that a working mum is a strong role model for kids. And I know the pressure to maintain composure at work. Just be kind to yourself, and if you need space and can't find it at work, maybe throw a sicky. You're a very important person, you know, so look after yourself and your kids above all else. |
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sals44
said:
| November 08, 2007 | ||
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I realy did not expect any replies to the sentimental stuff going on..but it was really lovely to know that I'm not on my own. I'm really doing ok..in a way..but it's the deep things that I'm dealing with now. Thanks for making me feel normal. I nearly took a sicky this monday..but glad I didn't because every one else did..phew..So am still in the good books.. It's a strange state to be in..I feel low, but thought I was not sad. But your words did hit the button, I guess I feel alone. Thanks Milady for your valued thoughts. |
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sexysadie
said:
| November 08, 2007 | ||
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I still always wear a ring on my wedding finger; it feels too naked without it. I often forget to take it off when I go to bed. I am quite careful not to wear rings that look like wedding rings on that finger, though my own wedding ring was quite unusual. I took that off quite early on: the kids wanted me to. I think that was because they were quite relieved to have their dad out of the house. He took his off more or less the minute I asked him to leave. I quite often wear my mother's engagement ring on my wedding finger at the moment. She gave it to me recently, and I'm very glad to have it, though she left my dad 35 years ago. She tried to sell it in the early years and was offered so little she didn't bother. I don't think it's important to her now, but it is important to me as I remember her wearing it when she was married. I think those emotional things are the hardest. I still do love my ex, I think, though none of us can live with him any more, and he won't even look at me when I hand the children over. I think it's important not to write off those years, and to value the love that we did share. Otherwise how can one look back on one's life? At the moment, though, it's very hard. I feel a great sense of loss and I can't see that going away any time soon. Sadie |
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wscowell
said:
| November 09, 2007 | ||
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Ladies, this is humbling stuff. As a man, I like to think I'm nowhere near as hard-nosed as most. As a solicitor specialising in trying to broker sensible solutions amid the wreckage of failed marriages and families (some never marry but were committed for all that) I thought I had come to terms with the pain of these things enough to keep clear headed. It's a must if we're to do anything effective for our clients. But this simple stuff moves me to tears. The pain of a failed marriage never goes away, we just get used to it being there I guess. I take my hat off to you for the courage and simple dignity expressed here. Will C |
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IFIKNEWTHEN
said:
| November 11, 2007 | ||
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Sadly the way my x2b treated me has left me feeling my whole marriage was a lie, I would be happy never to look at my wedding ring again. It brings no memories of happy times and just brings to mind the way he treated me and continues to treat me. It is amazing how material things can have so much meaning; holding good and bad memories; although other than pictures of my children nothing to do with him brings back good memories of 11 years of marriage. I hope one day I may find some good memories tucked away so that over a decade of my life doesn't seem a lost decade. I have to be thankful that I was blessed with my 5 children from the marriage - I just feel guilty that I could not see the man I married was such a bad person and that I chose him as the father of my children. | |
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SK_Max
said:
| November 12, 2007 | ||
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As a male in this Ill add my bit :-) I wore my ring for around 3 years after the seperation taking it off when the Nisi came in, only reason being by then my fingers had shrunk to a size that it came off with some soap ice and brute force :-) but it felt strange for a while my finger felt naked and I kept rubbing the spot took around 6 weeks to loose that feeling I ever had one, then it only came to mind when ever I got into talking with woman, I would unconciously rub my finger. of course by then I had also lost faith in being able to talk to women and asking if they would like an evening out. | |
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