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Oct 27
2007
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Well after four weeks of finding emails of affairs things have taken a turn, now we are divorcing 'coz its better for the kids', 'coz the differences between us wont change etc etc I am thinkng how selfish,do people who have kids actually think they can walk out on them and then say 'i know my daughter will hate me in 10 yrs time but its ok', is that normal, I ask myself? How did he reach that level without me noticing it? I guess his new sleaze bag has got what she wanted a man who has obviously lost his kids so no baggage, he is all hers. Do people like my X2B and his slaze bag , do they go though any pain? Is life this unfair? I look at my life and I wonder al those nights I waited patiently for him to return from his long business trips abroad, have I been sharing him with all the women from different continents? Sometimes I feel dirty, sometimes feel angry that I let myself used like that. You would think that people in this day and age would have a bit more sense. I have to deal with my daughter's tantrums, and questions 'do you miss daddy', I keep quiet as i know what she is getting at. She is a very intelligent young girl. Meanwhile husband has convinced himself and slimy girlfriend that this has nothing to do with their relationship. I dont know which planet they live on but its certainly not earth..... He has also convinced himself that its ok to walk out on your kids and its ok if they hate you in 10 years time. All I hope for now is for my pain to go away so that i can be sane once again and look afer my babies. This is the hard part for me, coz I dont just switch off and stop loving someone in a day, wish I could but I cant.......
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Fat Boy Getting Slimmer
said:
| October 27, 2007 | ||
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Sorry to hear of your situation. Perhaps he does think it is this easy. It will probably hit him when you come to sort out the finances! At the moment he seems to have his new woman and can move away without a care in the world. He probably hasn't got round to making financial arrangements. discussing assets, access rights (he may realise that he wants to keep that door open) and presumably hasn't had to talk to your daughter too much about it. Perhaps his new GF will feel flattered by all this action on her behalf. I would have thought that once the initial buzz wears off she may think 'If he has walked out on wife of 10 years and kids for me, what are my chances of security in the future?' That may be a sobering thought for her and take the shine off it. They always say that men mature slower than women. It sounds like he has gone right back to his teenage years. On a more serious and painful notes. You mention that you feel dirty. Would going for a health check help allay some of those fears? I know it wouldn't be easy but it may stop those worries. I do wish you all the best for you and the family. Julian |
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sals44
said:
| October 27, 2007 | ||
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Everything you say is everything we all feel. It is very hard being left in a life that we set up with the other half, have gone through tough times and really happy times and then we are left without a care in the world because of a fancy. It's a new start for you when you have not been given any choice in the matter and you now have to be stronger than ever, for the wrong reasons. Your babies are going through hell, but so are you and if you can be happy they will be..but it takes time. But realise you are a woman who has great capabilities and you can keep things going on your own..you had to when he was away on his trips... You will go through an emotional roller coaster and still have to keep the normal going, you are allowed to cry with the children, you are allowed to share your thoughts and feelings and you are allowed to feel confused, but you have to just keep going. And you must keep coming here, keep things simple, start with the basics, sort out what you need to do first...when one burden gets lighter move onto the next...start at the beginning and not at the end. I am five months into my seperation and divorce has only just been mentioned..I have no energy to think of divorce so I stay to my own game plan and work through it. Today for me is very good, tomorrow who knows. Don't blame yourself for not seeing it happening, you have been honest and honourable to your X2B why should you have doubted his comittment to you and his children...you will go through a period of self analysis and become wrapped up in your own sense of failure, but you have not failed he did. But there is hope when it really feels that there is none...there is light at the end of the tunnel, we just have to keep going. When your daughter asks if you miss Daddy reply honestly..because you do..we all still miss them...but in reality it's the normality we miss, change is hard. But again, if you can pay the bills and keep the normal going, just keep going until your thought processes become less jumbled. If you cannot cope financially seek help now, let someone guide you through the process and if you can, share the break up with a good responsible friend. The biggest obstacle is that our heart and head become confused, it took me a month to unjumble everything and then I got going. But without this place I would have nothing...see look at me giving advice...we share...give our two penneth worths, get a few hugs on the way..take what we like drop what we don't, but we are all in the same boat, some move on more quickly others more slowly..but it's all about sharing the load. Keep blogging.. Sals |
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chris_33_dad
said:
| October 27, 2007 | ||
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married - did you cut & paste my thoughts from my brain? Saved me from having to blog the exact same feelings this morning. Thanks. I owe ya one! :beer: |
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