Oct 21

2007

The Other Person....

Posted by scottishlady in new relationships, his new woman, affairs and cheating

I have found myself over the past week or so thinking about the person that my STBX had/has been having an affair with....

I feel very little about this person.... I think I am supposed to feel anger/resentment/hatred for this person - but I don't...

I don't know this person.... I am curious about her....

I wonder why she would involve herself with someone who is married with a family......

Does she feel any 'guilt' about being 'involved' in the breakup of a family?

My STBX told our daughter that his affair had been 'going on' since 'the beginning of the year'..... he also told her that this person had advised him 'to go back to his family'....(I can only assume that he ignored this advice)...

This person has no 'commiments' towards myself and our daughter.... and yet, I feel that she has to take a little responsibilty for the breakdown of my marriage....

afterall... I assume she knew he was married with a family when she decided 'to become involved' with my STBX.....

she may have 'advised' him to 'go back to his family'..... but she didn't 'stop' the relationship.....

I try to put myself in 'her' situation...... could I become involved with someone who was 'commited' to another, even if I found him SO irresistable (bear in mind we are talking about my STBX here...)

The simple answer is ......NO.. I couldn't !!!!!!!

Now, I have to remember that I have no idea what my STBX told this person at the outset of their 'relationship'.... perhaps he told her that our relationship was 'dead'.... perhaps he told her that 'he wasn't happy at home'.... perhaps he told her 'that I didn't understand him' (tongue in cheek)....

If one more person says to me "these things happen".....I swear to god !!!!!!!!!!!!!

No.... these things don't happen !!! - people make them happen..... we all have choices to make in our lives.... we are free to say "No"....

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chris_33_dad said:

October 21, 2007
		Scottishlady?.I completely understand where you are coming from. Is the world so different that there are people out there who are completely emotionless and cold? The same thoughts consume my mind regularly. I even had met my wife?s new partner a few weeks ago. The three of us had dinner together and chatted like adults. He played catch with our son while I stood with my wife. How can you do that, then intentionally become involved with the destruction of that family? I wish I had an answer for you but I don?t. You?re just not the only one who feels that way.

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fio said:

October 21, 2007
		Yep I spend a lot of time wondering why on earth the other woman had to go and break up years of care and a long standing relationship, and what she had on her mind? You are right, no excuses these thing do happen but they shouldn't without a very, VERY good reason because in a long relationship we should be communicating our unhappiness and working towards a resolution instead of going off to find a shoulder to cry on or a last fling before old age - or whatever! Not that I am bitter you understand

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NicolaStyles said:

October 22, 2007
		I totally agree. My STBX and I knew 'the other woman' as a family friend and I always felt sorry for her as she really has nothing going for her. She's short, fat and quite unnattractive with a squint and an eyelid flutter that is just wrong. On top of that she lives in a VERY small house that stinks of stale dog pee with problem children and an unpredictable EX of her own that turns up every so often for his conjugal rights, so when I found out it was her that my STBX is now living with I was incredibly shocked and not to mention humiliated! How could she have knowingly taken him away and what on earth does she have to offer. I always thought she was a nice person but clearly I was wrong and I know realise that she is a truly despicable person to break up a 10 year marriage.

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Vail said:

October 22, 2007
		Scottish Lady, Everyone is free to say No ... and Yes. Speculation over what he said might pass the time for a bit, but don't over do it because you may end up thinking about things that are better left unthought of.

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scottishlady said:

October 22, 2007
		Thankyou all for your comments.... To clarify.... I DON'T blame this woman for the breakup of my marriage.... but it just crosses my mind occasionally what sort of person willingly 'becomes involved' with another persons 'partner'.... Vail.... I agree one is 'free to say NO or YES...... it just seems to me that there are occasions in ones life where it is perhaps the RIGHT choice to say no.....

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sexysadie said:

October 23, 2007
		Hi Karen, But the thing is, you don't know what he said to her. Maybe he didn't tell her he was married until she had got heavily involved with him. If he can deceive you he can deceive her too. Maybe once she found out she told him to go back but by then he didn't want to. I think you would be better blaming him rather than her. You might even feel sorry for her in the end. Sadie

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scottishlady said:

October 23, 2007
		Thanks Sadie... Yes... as I said in my original post... I DON'T know what he said to her...you are right - he may not have told her that he was married.... Lol... as I also said....I DO NOT BLAME her.... she has no 'commitment' towards myself and our daughter.... Whether she knew or not... it was not her 'responsibility' to consider myself and our daughter - it was HIS.... and if I were to 'blame' anyone then yes, it would be him.... as it is...I am not BLAMING anyone... I find it a pointless exercise... Just was curious - that's all....