...and she's gone again...

Well...our 2^nd night together and we were able to go out for a few drinks and talk like adults. We kept the whole conversation light and didn't let it get emotional. I asked her how she would feel if I began dating other people. She didn't have a response. She still insists that she is not dating the man she is living with. Trying to convince me that its strictly "roomies" situation. I don't buy it, and partly because I see her e-mail conversations with other people about them. I know that's intrusive, and I don't plan on sharing that with her ever, but as a husband being left waiting in despair, while she figures her life out, I feel I have that right as long as it exists.

After a couple drinks and letting her guard down, she was much more relaxed with me and slept close to me like we used to. Allowing contact and sleeping comfortably in my arms. She even offered an "I love you too" response to my "I love you". That's the first in a while.

We woke this morning and began getting ready for our day. She showered, and I asked to join her (as we have done regularly throughout our marriage). She agreed. Without much detail to offer, we shared some intimacy that I thought was genuine and proceeded to some morning love making, which was very awkward and I almost felt like she was just letting me do so and waiting for it to be over with. I don't know if that was a good idea or not, but it happened.

Before she left, which will be 11 days before she returns, I asked again about her living with her friend and how difficult it is for me to know she leaves our home to sleep next to another man. She insisted that she does not sleep with him and responded in a voice of disbelief that I even consider that notion.

I reminded her that when I discovered that she was living in his house that I had specifically asked if she did sleep in his bed, and she responded, "sometimes". She claimed to have misunderstood me and stood by her statement.

During her last couple visits home, she has taken her phone into the bathroom or bedroom for periods of time behind locked doors. I don't ask or pry, but its obvious that she's communicating with him while she's here. Whether its friendly or emotional or what, I'm sure if they are in some sort of relationship, she's lying to him about her actions here. I can't imagine she'll admit to sleeping with me, showering with me, or kissing me.

This next 2 weeks will be a definite test. I'm going to do my best to avoid contacting her at all, unless it has to do with our son or financial matters of the home. Its totally against my instincts, and I'm afraid she'll just grow further apart without being reminded of our marriage regularly. I made it clear to her that I was going to do this and that my goal was to give her space. I sent the last e-mail about us to her this morning after she left, recapping the discussion we had about her living arrangements and the information I had to live with every day.

I don't know if its going to get better or worse. She swears she is going to try to make it work. I made it clear to her that if she really wants to, the living arrangements will make it very difficult for me to believe there can be a positive outcome. She said, "that's fair", as in acknowledging that my comment was acceptable, but with no plan to take action. I guess I can't force her.

We'll see what tomorrow brings...