Having a funny old day today. Thoughts all over the place, head in bits. Nothing new there then! :lol: Our hotel hosted a silver wedding at the weekend. Have known the couple since I was at school, going on 30 years. Seeing them so happy and fulfilled, with all their children, friends and family around them upset me. That just isn't going to be for me. So it's a feeling sorry for myself day. Get it out of my system and write it all down. Feel better for having done something positive. Went to see my children's heads of year this morning, as I am concerned about their perfomance at school. My eldest is doing his GCSEs this year, and I am very concerned about the impact of our marial breakdown on his performance. After this morning, seems I am right to be concerned. Good to know the school are being supportive about it, but it just adds to the pressures of an already difficult situation. Simply have to see him through his GCSEs to the best of my ability. Can't send him out into the world at a disadvantage. STBX seems to take the view that whatever he does is fine by her. That's OK for someone who has been largely carried or buffered from the realities of the big wide world since she was 18. He will have to be the breadwinner for whatever family unit he chooses in the future, unless he meets someone who will carry him. A touch unlikely methinks. The alternative is that he gets his finger out and achieves the straight 'A' s his teachers say he is capable of, and retains the maximum possible opportunities in the future. Anything less would be a terrible waste. But will STBX push him? Not bleeding likely. For her, as long as he went to the exams with the right brand of pen and shoes and a nice haircut, that would be sufficient effort. Cynical? yes, but sadly true. Reading back what I have written makes me put into perspective how lucky I am when I read some of the horror stories on here. Nevertheless, this is my private misery, my reality. I know I will feel differently tomorrow, or the day after, but the Silver Wedding reminded me just what I won't have in the future. Well not with her anyway. OK, whinge over, back to reality. Pick myself up, dust myself down, wipe the tear from my eye and get on with it. Whatever the world throws at me today. Think positive and positive things happen - allegedly