Back at work now and feeling better about things. Got my Absolute through this week, am an getting used to being truly single. One thing I've learned through this is that I never know how I'm going to feel about things. I was expecting the Absolute (in fact I was expecting it before Christmas - maybe my Sol sat on it until afterwards??), and was mentally prepared for receiving it. When it dropped onto the doormat (I used to be one of those!!) I was pleased it had arrived. Then when I was opening it I thought maybe it was just another fee notice from the Sol. Then when I realised it was

Had a good Christmas, but can't help feeling that there's someone missing. Kids are okay. They got the presents they wanted for Christmas - all paid for by me. Ex said he'd give them money so they could buy themselves something, but he turned up to visit on Christmas Day with nothing. And anyway, it should be me who's getting the money, as I bought their presents, and he doesn't pay anything towards their upkeep. I'll have to go to the CSA in the new year and try to get something that way. The problem is that I earn more than he does, and can just about manage on my pay to keep things

Just getting myself into the right frame of mind for my first Chrstmas without the ex. Lots of positives, like there being no drunk in the corner, no-one dissing my plans for festive entertainment for the kids, no-one dictating my mood. But I know I'll feel a bit alone and a bit weird, even though I've got my kids with me and my mum and dad are coming to visit. It'll just be different, and I'm determined to be positive about it.

Having said that, he came over today to give my eldest son his birthday present. Then he said that he felt like he was in a bad dream but never wakes up, and that