A better day today

Today = :'(

On the whole, a better day than Friday which was the worst so far, although we did have a mild disagreement ealier.

I think I am being too honest for her, I am sharing my feelings in an open way and I'm not sure she wants to hear them. So, we have agreed that we won't do this for a while.

Today was the first time I had seen her cry which was a surprise as this has all been her decision. I think I was believing that as this is what she wanted, she's happy with the situation. I now know this isn't the case.

Yesterday we were talking about things after Christmas and how it would be for us all. I made an innocent comment that it would be harder for her to drop everything and go see her man after we've split and this morning she had a go at me about that.

Thing is, when I said it, it wasn't a case of "and I'll be happy about her difficulty when it happens", I actually meant that I felt for her that it won't be as easy as now. Hopefully, we've cleared that up and she understands.

I think she wants me to hate her as I think she thinks it will be easier if that is the case. I don't and at the moment, I can't. Some of you on here will think me naive I am sure (and maybe I am) but currently I am in the place where it's a case of "if you love someone then you will let them go". That's where I am.

I just want her to be well and happy. Whatever that entails.

I will have to watch what I say in future. Not because I don't want her to know things but because she will naturally think I am having a go or being malicious. It can't be easy to accept or remember that I say things from a supportive point of view, considering what has happened.