Well one piece of the jigsaw seems sorted....financial agreement signed yesterday so within 8 weeks I'll have settlement and absolute.

Apart from small disagreement about some items in the FMH the split is 60:40 in his favour, no SM.  CM is not completely finalised but it will be some way short of the 58% I have been paying for over the last year.  Youngest son stays with me 2 nights at present, and maybe someday eldest will too.  Even though I think I could reduce CM to allow for the overnights I have elected not to.

Now perhaps I can sort out a house and make another home that the kids

I still dont know yet whether I'm "allowed" to pick up or collect kids from grandparents/childminders.  Maybe thats adding to my mood which is not good.

 Youngest and I have had a good couple of days and he is supposed to be with me until tomorrow evening.  But eldest told him what he was doing tomorrow and now youngest wants to go too.  The plan means they will end up at grandparents.  Youngest really wants to go.  What could I say, I dont want him going without all the fun.

 I think I'm a crap mum.  I dont think they really need me.  I dont think they love me anymore.  How did it change so

Feeling lost but probably shouldnt be.

Today had order agreed that youngest would spend 2 nights per week with me plus one evening for both kids.  Solicitors agreed the whole thing very quickly.  I'm a bit confused as she said this is the final order but if things dont work out I can go back again if i want.

Ex phoned tonight to say that his parents and childminder have refused to let me collect the boys from their houses.  I work full time but over the past month to make the transition easier for the boys I have stopped work early to collect from school.  I cant do this forever.  Yes I could