I have decided, and after being told many a time by various people, that its now time to look after myself.

I have spent the majority of my life putting others first. Doing what I can to help them in any way I can. I cant help it. Its been the way I am. But I have learnt more recently that this isnt the best way to be. I have sometimes ran myself ragged trying to do the best for everyone. But what have i got in return??

I'm now an emotional exhausted wreck, in desperate need of help. I feel over the last week I have somewhat imploded. A miscarriage, a broken relationship have just been the

I'm needing help - fast.

I went to the docs the other day. Explained the situation but she said its just normal to feel this way. I've had a divorce after almost 20 years, and two relationships since. The last one, of none months, ending last week.

I feel I'm imploding. I am getting worried about myself. I'm in  a dark dark place and I cant get out.

The guy who finished it last week was 'the one'. Well to me he was anyway.

He says he still loves me. That maybe one day when he sorts his head out things may be good again between us. Meanwhile I'm his friend. His friend whilst he sorts out his

It would of been my wedding anniversary today. 14 years. But it doesnt bother me. Not at all. What bothers me is the way I am struggling over the recent split with my partner.

One week today.

A week of sheer torture.

We are on speaking terms. He's offshore till tomorrow so I've had e mails and phone calls. We love each other but his head is too messed up to be with me. Its me hurting, struggling, wishing. Wishing it was all different. Wishing as Pualo Nutini would say to 'rewind'. I'm trying to be strong, and sometimes I've surprised myself, but always there is the fact he is missing. I miss him