Friday 24th – Monday 27th - resolution (Moody Blues?)

Friday was the calm before the storm, played tennis had a fencing lesson, laughed loads.

I have been waiting all week for him to ‘make up his mind’, he talks about everything else, dog walking, scarecrows, sat navs – etc. etc.

So Saturday comes and he says ‘don’t be jealous, but I am running with Pat, see you later’.  Jealous I think, JEALOUS!!!!!!  Its more like anger and frustration I am feeling!  My hand shake and I feel sick and I have been expecting this, so why I feel like this I don’t know.

Comes back around 4 hours later and carries on as normal, I seriously worry about his sanity.  ‘ok’ I say ‘so you have made your decision and you want to leave and I want you to leave, so leave’  well more or less that’s what I say, no shouting very calm.  He says ‘I wont go without talking to a solicitor’ – first sane thing he has said to be honest.  He says Pat is just a friend and he doesn’t see why I wont let him see her.  He says ‘you have yout friends’ – I point out that I haven’t slept with any of them (well they are all women!).  So I offer to go and ask in the street 10 random people and see if  any of them would believe him when he says he shared a bed with another woman because they were just good friends and wanted to save £100.

Well after a few more words we do get to a stable position and I suggest mediation for the financial side.  I also say that the marriage is now over and I want him out by the end of the week, he wants to stay longer and I say ‘only if you don’t have anymore communication with Pat while you are here’.  Yeah I know round we go again, but he will let me know on Monday – I really think he will go for this solution now – perhaps he didn’t believe me before, I don’t really know.

I think he wants to go, but doesn’t want to tell me this or tell the kids this, so I make it easy for him and say that the kids don’t need to know why hes going, only that we have decided to split  I wont tell them about the affair.

I went off to make us both a coffee and when I came back he apologised and I apologised and it was very sad really.

I told him that I hate Pat and feel she has wrecked our marriage and now she has a new boyfriend and off she goes into a new house with him!  And here we are contemplating an uncertain future, with both of us financially insecure and 30 years together down the drain.

My kids are great, stable, happy, sensible – just the greatest and they will be fine.

Sunday – happy families, we all visit my Mum.

Monday, I am still awaiting his decision, which I suspect he wont tell me, well decisions aren’t his strong point, so it will be up to me to ask him again.

Do I sound bitter and spiteful?  No doubt I do.

I look at this man and I don’t know him anymore and, to be perfectly honest I am going to be better off without him.

I feel I now have a resolution to this whole problem and cant wait for my life as a single person! 

So Saturday was the start of the rest of my life – bring it on!

So now I wonder at my life as a single person.  Should I train at something to get a job, and if so what?  Shall I become a dot com millionaire, have to say this one appeals!  Shall I go out and sleep with any men that will have me?  Tempting, but no!  Hey what am I saying, OK yes, but not just any man, maybe Jude Law, Orlando Bloom, sigh, a bit unrealistic perhaps!!!