Jedi Powers still warding off the Darkside! Yey!

Well,  STBX has introduced his 'special friend' to the girls, good, about time he moved on with his life.  They are happy with it and so am I - he doesnt seem to be though!

He is seemingly amazed that I have not reacted to this news, other than 'No, I dont have a problem' and 'yes I am getting divorce sorted' (as he 'told' me to last week by text - it has been held up by him controlling when HE wants it done in his words ''I dont care how or when you do it, its only a piece of paper.')

Therefore I have booked appointment for mediation (I am under no illusions that this will work as he will walk if anyone disagrees with him, but wanted to get all the financials down before I start paying fees).

Now that I am supercharged with my new powers of dealing with the controlling abuser I am writing this down to tell you that I am doing good and he has not got the reaction he wanted today....

ME: 'I have made appt and they will contact you to make one. I am going Friday.'

HIM: ' I know what they will say. Its just what you want from me thats the issue. I am sure you will tell them that. Thanks for the text you complete TWAT"

ME: No response

HIM: "We said til after xmas last week, do you enjoy PISSING people off. Go away you and your idiot looking boyfriend. Think you need to concentrate on your girls first.'
 
ME: So I just forwarded his message to me from last week where it TELLS me to do it. and said  'Your opinion, if you dont want to go thats ok.'  

HIM:'Leave me alone you idiot'
 
ME: No response

HIM: 'On second thoughts I will go its fine. I will await the call. PS i am so glad you travel about in that car. Shows just exactly who you think you are. I have duck all to say to you. Will contact you about girls and be civil. p.s. I have many opinions about him. I think its funny."

Its so true - I cannot defend myself or reason with him, " STOP! When you defend yourself, you put yourself in the position of justifying your actions to others. You seek understanding, agreement, empathy, recognition of what's really going on, etc. This is OK in an ordinary relationship. It's not OK in an abusive one:
* since everything you say can and will be held against you
* since defending yourself puts you in a one-down, where you are asking for approval, congruence, permission, etc.
* your abuser is looking for a fight; not for understanding
* since you are taking the "bait" and engaging in a "no-win"
 
Find some non-defensive, disengaging responses to typical abusive comments.(i.e. Ok, Your opinion, If thats what you want to think/say)  The abuser's objective is not to impart understanding. Your abuser wants to provoke you. Your objective is to remain calm, disengage and avert provocation!  Engaging is a no-win!

Sorry I know this does not make a lot of sense - really for me as I am feeling pretty unaffected which is a world away from when I would have been embroilled into trying to defend myself and explain myself - for his approval?!!

I think not.