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Oct 11
2008
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its really happeningPosted by Daisy041 in dealing with emotions, attending court |
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Morning Mr Blogman and wiki peeps
well another really rubbish, hard week...again sobbed for england every night...havent slept well, eaten much, just drank alot !! i know i shouldnt..
had mtg with ex on tuesday night - to discuss what I wanted.
i had 3 peices of paper, 1 re divorce, 1 re housey stuff and 1 for my wants.
he came in "our" home had a coffee and we sat at the dinning room table.
i went through each paper, (he refused to read it) he wasnt happy with the divorce one, (he still doesnt want divorce) was happy with the housey one and we agreed on my wants.....im getting what i want....and hes getting mostly what he wants...(he cant have it all)
it was amicable.....
we discussed our friends, his g/f what he's planning to do etc etc....i felt like i was in a dream sitting there listening to him....it didnt feel real and it still doesnt..
it seems like a million miles away from last year...this time last year we were excited, happy, planning my 40th birthday party...planning our trip to New York, it was happy times...i used to love this time of year....now im dreading it....
he was with me for just over an hour and we hugged and kissed when he left and then the tears just wouldnt stop....all the hurt, the aching, the love for him just came flooding back...the questions....
it seems like ive (and im sure you all do this too) gone through the first bit of my ex leaving, the usual emotions then ive got stronger, then this bit comes along and you have to deal with it...you cant hide away from it anymore......and then all those feelings come back and hit you - and now i dont feel strong anymore...
so ive had my free mtg with sols...he explained everything, how it works and i now know the diff between nisi and absolute ! i didnt realise though that even after you've divorced that we still have claims on each others assets ? we need to complete a form to put a stop to that..so it would seem. sols explained he thinks it would be approx 3 hours work and take about 4 mths, your looking at approx £700.00. thats it, nothing more....£700ish to end my marriage...that was approx the same amount that we got married for !!!!!!!!!!!! (a las vegas wedding) funny that eh ?
and ex is coming today, for the day to start decorating the hallway, it needs it...god this is going to be so hard...we've not spent any time together really since april....and so yeah im dreading it.......i feel sick, woke up at 6.30 with that sick feeling in my stomach....i sitll love him what can i say, didnt want this, what can i say ?
ive got to be strong, no tears today (yeah right !!) and think of the positives....ive got my cats.....and getting what i wanted - seems odd saying that...and i dont mean it horribly...
someone said to me at pilates her daughter had gone through something like this, and she had just bought her new house....her home...she said it was like a grown up dolls house, her home, her play house that she could do what she wanted it, didnt have to ask anyone else what they thought...and that made me smile, and thats what ive been trying to think about ...its hard, its sad, but its got to happen this has been 7 mths now....ive got to concentrate on me and my cats....thats whats important...
and its important for you guys to, to think of yourselves, to look out for you - to look after yourself and give yourselves some space and time...make it easy for yourselves, we've gone through enough hurt and pain why make it worse ?
ive got to do this bit of that rollercoaster ride as smoothly and quickly as poss...with no arguments, no malliciousness, just get the job done....when hes not around i can let myself cry, shout, do what i want...but not in front of him...its got to be easy for us both....he says he still loves me, still wants me to be his friend, thats going to be hard but to keep things ok ive got to try...
so off to get ready, hes coming at 10am...take care guys..
Daisy
xx
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mezzie
said:
| October 11, 2008 | ||
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((Daisy)) It does suddenly go from feeling like a dream to being an absolute nightmare if finances are not sorted. They are secondary to the actual divorce process but sooo necessary to get right. I have paid for the wiki consent order, using our own agreement & they write it in legal terms to give judge for approval. Cost £149 total. Strangely,I am finding sorting finances & house sale properly more stressful than getting the actual divorce. You really need to meet him away from your personal space to discuss all issues, If you keep having him in your home it is easy to slip back into 'relationship' mode and you will both find it difficult to move on emotionally. Good luck hun. |
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Poppie
said:
| October 11, 2008 | ||
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(((((((((((((((Daisy))))))))))))) Thinking of you. One day I hope we will all be able to look back on this traumatic time in our lives and be at peace. Poppie x |
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saffron1968
said:
| October 11, 2008 | ||
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((((((((((((((Daisy))))))))))))))) Try to have as little contact with him as possible and when finances are sorted don`t see him again. If he truly loved you then what is he doing with a girlfriend. All this business of the hugging and kisses is destroying you. I know because I have been there and now trying to stay away from s2bx. Everytime you have contact with him, it will drag you back to square one. Be strong say no....try and paint the hall yourself or get some friends to help you. To get through this you HAVE to stop contact with him and being a friend will make you feel worse, seems this is his way of easing his guilt. Take care and lots of love Saffy xxx |
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marriaa
said:
| October 11, 2008 | ||
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Daisy, you have come a very long way since the first time you came here.It is going to be very hard to have him around,but make sure you do not do anything for"OLD TIME" sake .You will just end up regretting it.I know it is a bit late,Ijust got out of bed,next time try and a a third party around to make sure you do not give in to temptation. Take care |
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ivorytower
said:
| October 11, 2008 | ||
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Hi Hun (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((big hug))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) So sorry you have had another bad week. It brings all the emotions back trying to sort thing out. Im at about the same stage and things are starting to get tough. We just have to keep focused on the road a head and keep moving in the right direction even if sometimes it?s very slowly. We will get there and when we do then we can look back and see just how far we have come. Ivory X |
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JessieJ
said:
| October 11, 2008 | ||
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Big Hugs Daisy. Think folks are right when they say put some distance between you. How can he see what he has lost. ... when he hasn't lost it.... You need to show him you are a big girl now who is coping (admirably!) after being dealt a cr#p hand! You are brave and strong woman who can and will cope .....on her own. ... for now! Love doesnt disappear overnight and you cant just turn your feelings off but.....Tomorrow is another day and another new beginning. Take Care Jess |
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blondie007
said:
| October 11, 2008 | ||
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Oh Daisy, I do feel for you, bless your heart....Passing you a tissue to wipe those tears x I hope the roller coaster ride stops soon and that you will eventually see, light at the end of the tunnel. You have a great personality and a beautiful smile, the world is your oyster Daisy, It may not feel as though it is right now, but believe me it is waiting for you.... sending you a big hug ((((((((((((((((((((Daisy))))))))))))))))))))))))) Love Blondie xxx |
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Goodman01
said:
| October 11, 2008 | ||
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Daisy, We have talked, I have always gotten the in impression that you are less ready for all of this than he is, I know you that if you could you would rewind it all and have your life back again, but you know that is not going to happen. I cant say anything that will make it not happen for you or better for you, but I can say this, you will get through it and you will be happy again, as you are more than worth it! GM |
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