Friday 17th August - well its done, confrontation!

Its done, he has denied having an affair and says they shared a bed to save money. Hmmm they saved £100 over three nights, I asked him if he thought it was worth it?

I told him I didn’t believe him and would he believe me in the same circumstances?

He says he meant to ask me if it would be OK!!!!! I guess he knew what the answer would be.

So then it comes down to – well you don’t love me anymore etc, etc.

No screaming, all very calm – I almost feel like a cold bitch at the moment and hes gone upstairs.

I just plonked the hotel receipt in front of him and walked away – he said ‘thats why you have been so miserable is it?’ – ummm well yes and the fact that you have been to a solicitor and lied to me when you were seeing her!

I say ‘why didn’t you ask me why I was miserable, if you thought I was?’ he says ‘I did’, I say ‘ no you didn’t, when?’ he says ‘ see you don’t take any notice of me’, I say ‘when?’ he says ‘ I asked you if you were happy’ – this I do remember I said yes thanks or something like that.

Now, to me, asking me if I was happy aint the same as ‘whats wrong?’, but then communication isn’t our strong point!

So I have asked him to go and given him a week.

Hes moping around the house and I am feeling sorry for him now – bloody hell how does that work – is it habit?

I say isn’t this what you wanted? After all its you who went to the divorce solicitor – not me! ‘I don’t know what I want’ he says.

Bloody hell what a mess – shit, shit, shit – scuse my french.

I say ‘you won’t want to live with me now – you think I don’t love you, you don’t think I listen to you and I certainly won’t be letting you run with Pat anymore’ – or at all I’m thinking!

I ask him how he thought I felt when he put her name down as next of kin on his running form, and the fact that I came home early from work only for him to come home just before I was due back having been out to the pub with her? Or how I was fed up with coming in and finding the damn CD she had given him playing all the time? And those Christmas socks!!!!!

He looks baffled – is it me?

This man has a university education, can he not see? And why am I feeling so sorry for him!!!!!!!!!!!

Well I may have to go away for a few days and sort my feelings out now, really I want him to go but I have given him a week – or until he gets a job – which ever comes first. So I don’t know that I can be here – we have no spare bed – so whats to do tonight?

Kids are both out – oh God what to tell them or how?

He still says that he and she are just good friends, and still I think am I sure?