The reconcilliation continues ...

Hi Wikipeeps

Well I promised I would keep those of you who were interested informed... so another two weeks on and its still going well.

 We are still living apart and I am seriously liking it .. In fact, I am worried I am liking it a little too much!  We both have our own space, I have the kids, I am financially stable (if not solvent!).  I do not have to cook, clean, wash or iron for him and I am not answerable to him.  I do have the love, attention and communication that wasnt there before he left.   It is, in many ways, the perfect relationship!

We are just about to book a family holiday for half term ... somewhere hot (fingers crossed .... although with my track record it will probably pour down!).  After that we will have to address the 'moving home' issue.  It has already been discussed but in an 'in the future' sort of way.... but now the future beckons.

Dont get me wrong, sorting things out is not easy.... there is resentment and embarrassment still there... my pride still hurts .. big time! But  now we have discussed the things that were bottled up, we discover that in the grand scheme of things, our problems were little things that were left to grow and fester.  Now they are out there in the open, they have lost their power and importance!

I hate the fact that I am telling some people we are 'getting back together' and they look at me with pity.  I do not pity myself , I am proud of myself .. and of him... I am proud that in the end we were able to admit our mistakes and try and resolve our problems.  A 'friend' said to me this week, that it must be hard to put a marriage right when it was so drastically broken.  That hurt me because, although he left me  I never saw my marriage as drastically broken ... I still dont.  This 'friend' does not know that her own marriage is not as perfect as she believes it to be ... I know things she doesn't and the difference is my husband had the courage to leave me (although he now knows it was a big mistake!!!!!!!!), hers is still there because he didnt have that courage... and he's admitted it to me.

There is a bit of me however, that needs some gesture of proof of his commitment... I need a public declaration (of some sort... but what?) of his love and commitment.  I dont want to renew our vows and the pomp and circumstance that goes with it, just for people to see that he is happy to be with me again, happy to be with us again.  I know he is and he knows he is .....but for me there is the need to show other people that is the case ... Why?  I guess its because I had to face people and tell them that he didnt love me anymore and that broke my heart.  I want it to be put right in some way.  I dont want to be under the social microscope, always being observed to see if we are ok, or if its going to happen again.  I will always have that fear but dont want it magnified publicly!!

On the whole though, I feel as if our marriage has undergone the ultimate test and although it very nearly didnt make it.... we are putting it back together.   

Now... when do I start wearing my wedding ring again and more to the point where did I put it?