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Oct 04
2008
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Hi Mr Blogman and wiki friends..
a really really hard week....
i seem to have crashed and burned
works been a nightmare so much stuff going on -
grandma's 80th birthday (it would have been last thursday) grandad and grandmas sister have been in tears on the phone to me - mums on holiday (she needs and deserves it but god i miss her) and selfishly wish she was here...
ex and I had a few txty things last sunday re our next mtg - lots of exclamation marks from him and i bowed down tried to make it right....when i say bowed down i dont mean give in i mean i didnt stand up to him, (ive just re read that it doesnt sound right ) i tried to make light of the txts and keep it chatty but he wasnt having any of it, he made me feel like i used to.......like he was always right and i was just the little person with no opinion or feelings.
i txt ex on thursday to let him know about grandma (he loved her) and he didnt get back to me till friday...it really upset me...if roles were reversed i would have rung him made sure he was ok....i guess it just proves he doesnt even consider me anymore...
i dont get it - he always said he wanted us to be friends....how can he ? im sure he's still seeing her....
i feel like this week ive gone back to where i was 4 mths ago....ive cried every single day this week, have struggled with everything.....
the estate agent rang me monday and said im assuming youve not contacted me because your buying him out....i said no i cant do it....i cant afford it and even if i could would i want to stay somewhere full of memories with him ? no i dont think so...i asked him what he thought i should do...he said sell but dont buy not at the mo, rent and get some space (sadly he's been through divorce twice)...so he sent me some rented stuff....
i feel like im trying to deal with so many emotions at the moment and its driving me nuts !!!! my heads spinning....ex - dealing with the fact that my marriage is over, grandma, work, my ex friend at work (no we;ve not made up she ignores me now wont even say hello)....
thursday morning i got into work and my zip on my bag broke...well the lining got caught - i threw a hissy fit threw my bag on the floor swore really badly and burst into tears !!! so stupid but things keep piling on i feel like im not coping..everythings an effort.....
a few friends have been there for me this week and its been good - ive been told you have to stay strong, you will get through this.....yea i will i know that, just down time i guess.....
my next mtg with ex is on tuesday night, dreading it....feel sick...ususal stuff...got to keep my head straight, tell him what i want...the trouble is he was always right in our relationship, he was the strong one and i was the weaker one....
anyway ive blogged - needed to write stuff down......better out that in eh ?
big hugs guys, we will get through this....lets just send out some stay strong vibes to each other eh ?
Daisy
xxx
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mezzie
said:
| October 04, 2008 | ||
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((Daisy)) You have had so many emotional things happening at once, no wonder you're not feeling able to cope. Renting sounds a good idea - Total change of scene will help set you back up on the road to recovery, so to speak, and your Mum will be back to help you move maybe? Don't stop the tears & don't be too hard on yourself. Strong sisterly support vibes to you. |
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mishmine
said:
| October 04, 2008 | ||
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hey amanda, right, fisrt thing here is your opinion counts, your on your own so its the only one that counts!!! crappy week, dont ya just hate that when ya handbag breaks. lol. im renting , its good it givs u flexibilty u dont have if u buy. u can make it home, or use it as a stepping stone, thats what im doing. tkae your time with the big decisions there isnt any rush. (((((((((((((((((((((((((amanda)))))))))))))))))))))))) sending u positive vibes. much love mish (sis, lol) xxx |
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Goodman01
said:
| October 04, 2008 | ||
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Daisy Good weeks, bad weeks, good days and bad days they come and go, you are not back where you started, you are just were you are, you know you have to move out, rentings not so bad, I have been doing it for over a year now, and whilst its not my own home you get used to it, its like being a student again and I loved being a student! Of course non of this is what you wanted, but these things come in three's, house, ex making you feel crap again & gran, so you have had your three bad things, three good things are now coming your way! So think positive and let us know what those three good things were next time you blog! GM |
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mankydog
said:
| October 06, 2008 | ||
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Lady A, Let go the things that arnt important anymore, and ur ex is something that isnt important anymore, he has shown u the way there so dont torture urself worrying about him and why he hasnt been in touch, You are teetering on the brink here so many times you have blogged about turning the corner but now i think is the time when you have to turn it for real. a new place without the memories will ring a new life without the complications of the old one yes it will still be there ut much more diminished and you can start rebuilding your life. As for your ex friend if she isnt othering then wat sort of friend was she she was a friend for as long as there was something in it for her, shes will realise her own misgivvings sooner or later Anyway work calls so big hugss take care hunny |
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