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Oct 03
2008
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had another sleepless night, why is it things always look worse in the wee hours?
Haven't felt too good eitheras have had a nasty cold).
Just started thinking all about how he lied and cheated and felt so alone.I just want to stop thinking these thoughts and get over what has happened and move on,but am struggling, really struggling to do so.Its been a year now, and I have got used to living alone but when am I going to adapt to this feeling of being lied to and abandoned.Ifeel so cheated out of my future, we had done 27 years together, had that counted for nothing.Looking back over photos I wonder now was he lying then,pretending.I just don't understand why he could never be straight with me, if he had fell out of love with me, why did he not just say.Its the deceet that gets to me, I feel so stupid and a mug for believing him blindly and not seeing through the lies.Was I believeing him because I didn't want to face the truth.I will never know because he has never told me.He finished our marriage with a text that is so little he thought of me.ut is he having sleepless nights, no he is wrapped up in love with the OW, the one who gets to spend time with the son who means so much to me.Urgh I just want to stop having these nights where all I can do is cry and not sleep,I feel so exhausted by it the next day like today I can barely function, and yes I am in tears again.
I have been through so much in my life,am I meant to suffer what is left of the rest of it.Will I eer be happy again,do I deserve it?
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why
said:
| October 03, 2008 | ||
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Hi Townie I know what you mean about the thoughts, why can't they just go away. A friend of mine said to me the other day, "don't think about him and the times you had together because if you do he still has control over you, just think about today, don't even think about the future but if you do, thank god you are away from the lying cheat and that life will be better" I know it is very hard to do but I have tried to use his advice and when I think of him I just try and stop myself because to be honest he doesn't even deserve me to be thinking about him. When I start to panic about the future, I stop myself and just think that at the moment I just need to get through today. You will be happy again, I am sure we all will be, even though these feelings are still really new for me I have still managed to have some real laughs with the people who are important to me, my true friends and family. Concentrate on yourself, don't waste anymore time on him, you deserve better. And stop looking at those photos, that is just torturing yourself, I know because I have done it, but now they are all boxed away, I will look at them again in the future because a lot of them have my children on them, but not until I am ready. Keep smiling, you are a better person than he is. |
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JJ50
said:
| October 03, 2008 | ||
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hi Towniebig hug for you ((((((((((((((townie)))))))))))))) I too have many sleepless nights ended up at doctors and using tamazepan to sleep. I too am like you, in the same boat, found out husband having an affair just before xmas and still thinking constantly about the lies and the deceipt. The difference in my situation is that he wants to come back, he insists he can put things right, that it was a midlife crisis that he is sorry. In a sense i think it would have been easier for me if he had just gone off with her but he has not, he is living at his mother's house he says he is not having any contact with her anymore however i would'nt really know whether that is true or not, liars are so clever in how they manipulate things and she has moved address so have no means anymore of finding anything out. Most of my information about their affair i got from her (used to work with her lol). I cant look at family photos i find it too distressing i have boxed them up and put them all away but i know exactly how you feel you probably feel like i do that we should have moved on with our emotions by now sometimes on wiki you see people who these things have just happened to and they seem to be doing so well, coping etc, sometimes i think it is me, i am stuck in a rut i dont know which way to turn or what to do for the best. However, i guess everyone is different some find it easier than others to move on. One thing i have found is true a lot of the wiki advice to me is to take baby steps, and yes i think this is for the best. I wish you a happy ending and i hope your pain stops soon, we deserve better that is for sure. You hear people say that these things happen for a reason, maybe they do, maybe there is a better place awaiting us, i hope so. love and hugs JJ |
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carrie.watling
said:
| October 03, 2008 | ||
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I can't say anything to make you feel better, or take your pain away. All I know is one day you will wake up and something else will be occupying your mind - the sun will be shining in and you will take your cup of tea into the garden and look at the flowers and think all is well in my life today. And maybe in the same day, something little random thing will be it all back in a flood of emotion. We are all human and you gave him the best years of your life, but he also gave you the best years of his.... Live will be different than you planned - christ you put in 27 years you must have felt you had made it in the marriage stakes!! Try not to be too sad, this is your one life and you need to believe there is something better around the next corner. Lets hope you turn the corner soon. Love Carrie x |
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