how can I trust myself again?

Posted by key19 in money and finances, dealing with emotions, children, birthdays and anniversaries, anger hate revenge

I thought I would try and put my feelings down in a blog and hopefully see that with time things will improve- i just dont see how right now.

How can I ever trust myself again after falling for such a man? Everybody else in my life saw him for what he was - a con man and a bully. Why didn't I see it?

I can cope with everything that he has thrown at me- i went though my pregnancy alone- dealt with the huge debts he left me with alone-worked 2 jobs to 8 1/2 months and returned to work 9 days after giving birth- took the daily verbal abuse and dealt with it alone- I thought I was coping that is before he turned his attention to our daughter- she is the last thing he can use now and boy is he doing it!!

How can a dedicated father celebrate his daughters 1st birthday with all the trappings ( balloons/ presents/ cakes- with singing candles) he put on quite a display only to take them away from her. I have never felt more anger for any human being than I did at that moment in time when he turned to our daughter and grabbed the balloons from her hand and said " you cant have these- cos mummy didn't buy them" No he was quite right mummy didn't but them - but mummy is responsible to pay for all her food, clothes , shelter and nursery fees- whilst daddy is out "getting his life back" and after i left him stood there looking pathetic holding 3 princess balloons I am accused as being unreasonable.

This is man who has told me he will destroy me. This is a man who has ignored the divorce papers twice because it doesn't suit him .This is man who has not paid taxes here in the uk for 7 years and continues to live the life of riley and the taxman does nothing and this is a man who earns £1500 a week and tells the csa he can no longer afford the £24 that they have assessed him on to pay for his daughter- without any proof of earnings. Not that Im gonna miss it because he never paid anyway.

How can someone abuse the systems that are set up to protect things like this and continue to stick two fingers up and laugh at me daily becaise as he puts it "he's winning"

and if the truth be known right now he is!!

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fade2gray said:

October 03, 2008
		Hi key19 I feel so angry at your xtb for stealing balloons off your daughter. Maybe you didn't actually pay for them but he has no right to take back something he has freely given..even if it is a one year old,,,and you have the right to protect your child, which you are doing. He seems so awkward. The c.s.a. I can HONESTLY tell you is a waste of space. I devoted one week every year for 12 years to spending the whole day of that entire week just phoning, e mailing, writting to the c.s.a.. He owed/owes between 25-30k. Guess how much I have recieved??? Wait for it......£300, And the best bit is the c.s.a. called ME when our daughter was 16 to say I had been OVERPAID and would I give £100 back to him! Take it from me, is not worth the effort. Yes, the 'system' may be against you in some ways but you have won the freedom of yourself and your beautiful daughter and that is worth more than anything. He is the loser. Sleeeping next to a pillow stuffed with cash must be very lonely for him. You can cuddle your child. Big hugs x

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phoenix1 said:

October 03, 2008
		I'm not going to write much because what I want to say to him would be full of inappropriate words and swearing I baffles me, it really doe's, how can you treat a small child like that? It's his own flesh and blood for god's sake??? This is not a man, this is a heartless, cruel, pathetic,stupid and selfish, excuse for a human being If he thinks' he's won, well done him, But in my eye's you have won, for it is you who can see right from wrong and the biggest prize is, you are getting shot of him. Don't be a stranger, you will find lots of support and advice Take Care and all the best Phoenix1