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Oct 02
2008
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And things still don't feel any better!
Have made the step of contacting a counsellor, and have an appointment for next week. In the meantime, he has been emailing me again, saying that he's sorry and he wants to make this 'mess' (his words) as easy to sort out as possible.
Nice to know that the the last 9 years of my life have been reduced to a 'mess' that he needs to sort out as quickly as he can. That makes me feel really great. I still cannot understand how one minute everything's fine and he's texting me every morning saying he loves me and to have a good day, to this....
He says he cares for me and the children, but he wouldn't put us through this if he had any conscience at all. He's just trying to justify his behaviour, and assuage his guilt, because he knows he is the one who has caused all this. He is like a child with a toy, wants to play with it all the time at first, but once he gets bored, chucks it out of the playpen and moves on the the next thing. Unfortunately I am a person, with real feelings, and it hurts so much to know that I have been put to one side because he has the attention span of a gnat!
Have been really horrid to the children tonight, shouted at them, and took my frustration and rage out on them, which is not fair. What sort of parent am I? I'm supposed to provide emotional support for my kids, not them for me. I hate him for reducing me to this, I hate the way he can so easily move on, and dismiss me, and talk about the future, when all I wanted was the future he promised me, with him and my children. I hate the fact that we are so unimportant to him and his shiny new life. And I still miss him, and I still love him, and I know he's not worth it, but I just want to turn the clock back so things would turn out differently. I just want my life back.
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townie
said:
| October 03, 2008 | ||
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I know that feeling.Don't beat yourself up.You are not a bad parent.He is one because he left.He probally doesn't know what love is?Or what he has lost. Take care and good luck with the councillor. |
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IKNOWNOW
said:
| October 03, 2008 | ||
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I am sure we have all been there with the children, snapping at them when it really isn't their fault. Just apologise and tell them how much you love them and let them know that you are having a hard time but don't burden them. We are only human and we have feelings and frustration through all of this. Try calling a friend or coming into chat when you feel like that so that you can rant to people who know what you are going through and can calm your thoughts and feelings. Not sure how old your children are but you need to take time out, even if that is only locking yourself in the kitchen for a good cry or to put on some music and dance round the kitchen. Take care of you and the children. Just remember it is his loss and that you can eventually look forward to a bright future for you and your children. xx Sarah xx |
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