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Oct 02
2008
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Back to square onePosted by broadsided in grief and loss, breaking up, accepting its over |
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Not said much for a while. Not even thanks for the comments and support - sorry.
Thought things were improving, but seems not. Other half can't move on and keeps referring back to problems of previous years (caused by us both and I certainly can't deny my part in them), conveniently forgetting efforts I've made in past year, and hurt she has caused and deception she has shown during that same period. I'm not perfect by a long shot and understand where I do need to make changes, but god I'm doing my best to be better. But it's all one way. I still feel as if I'm expected to be the only one to make the effort (amends?)...
Even now, despite all efforts and - obvious, in my view - evidence to the contrary , I'm being told that being together is not what I (me, not her!) want. You would have thought the fact that I swallowed my pride, hurt etc and accepted her back would have been a big hint. Sheesh.
I feel she wants me to make the first move in terms of divorce as if that somehow vindicates her.
Feeling like even more of a fool now. Should have bitten the bullet a long time ago and let go. Now a year behind where I should be.
No doubt more ramblings later
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mrsnomore
said:
| October 02, 2008 | ||
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Hi Broadsided I felt the same really. Forgave my X an affair, but after coming home he continued to look to me to improve my faults and me to make all the effort, did not feel like he really wanted to come back. Felt like he had beacuse he 'ought' to for his family and his reputation, his affair had gone rubbish - not because he loved ME, accepted his fault, or because he realised what he had nearly lost. So I felt I was living in limbo, not really loved, not appreciated and it was awful as I could not forgive and forget. I did not want to accept that this was all there was. As much as my X was not showing any interest in staying married, he basically forced my hand into making the final decision so that he was not to blame again in anyones eyes (as far as he thinks). I just got to the stage where I could not live with this 'half-life' and basically realised that I wanted out. I would have waited years, miserable and unhappy for him to agree to make this move. It will probably be your move as it seems that she does not want to be seen as the baddie - but in the end, legally no-one cares whose 'fault' it is and your future happiness is worth way more than trying to get her to admit that she is not happy or seeing it working either. I wish you well. |
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mezzie
said:
| October 02, 2008 | ||
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Bringing up the past all the time is a way of not accepting & dealing with the current situation. It is easier to look back for someone or something to blame & go round & round in circles, instead of actually facing up to the reality of here, now, and next. Most people who know us as a couple assume I am in the wrong & he is divorcing me! CHEEK! I just do what I need to do and when I feel weak & wonder if I can go through with the absolute, I remember this is not for my comfort - It is for my sanity & peace of mind. |
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