*big sigh*

As I mentioned in last entry, I should concentrate on my health and work.

I know this and keep telling me so.

About 3 weeks ago, I met this guy and had drunken nite, we flirted and I knew that it was just a drunken nite.

But after we exchanged a few e-mails, we decided to see sometimes without having any relationship and he suggested to meet up next month.

And today, I sent a short e-mail asking how he was which I've got no reply. And I'm assuming this is no from him.

Silly me really. I dont want relationship, but this deal will cause a problem for me.

I know I'm still  too wrecked and cannot do this.

And if I think properly, I dont like him that much.

Still having no reply somehow makes me very nervous.

It just makes me hate myself as it is sign of my weakness.

I shouldn't have sent him e-mail then I would not have needed to wait his reply.

But many nites, I wonder if I would finish my life without any partner and I feel so scared.

Today, from anxiety attack I only could drink milk and some diet drink (hoping it contains more nuitrition than milk). So it is clear what I have to deal with first.

I know I have to beat this, but still I don't find any hope and good feedback from work doesn't mean much to me.

I just have to endure a few more months maybe. Wish I were a stronger person.