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Sep 28
2008
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I woke up today & decided enough was enough!! I wasn't going to take anymore emotional abuse from my stbx or listen to anymore of his lies about his OW. I decided to block his number on my mobile & now he cant ring or text me again.
I then read online in an article that it helps to get over an ex if you write down all the pain they've caused you over the years, and to list all the things that you didn't like about him too. Well, i did just that, took me awhile actually as there WAS a lot in 16 years!
Well, the task of writing it all down & reading it back made me really really angry at him. I wanted to ring him & hurl abuse but of course i didn't! Then i read it again & i felt very sad, really emotional at thought of him physically hurting me so many times during our marriage. I started crying & thought i would never stop, i don't think i ever dealt with the physical abuse in his drinking days as he begged me to never talk about it, always said he was ashamed to think of it & that i should forget it all.
Now, 3 hours later i'm left numb. I'm neither angry or sad, i'm a little confused as i keep asking myself why i stayed in the marriage so long? Was i so in love with him that i couldn't leave, did he manipulate & control me into staying? Was it a mixture of both?
Ive no idea how i will feel tomorrow after this moral inventory of our marriage, but i do hope it helps me to get over him and move on to a better life. I once read that women that are abused feel too inadequate to leave the abuser, feel unloved & unworthy of others. I too went through that stage & ended up on tranquilisers, another thing that stopped me seeing things straight & moving out! God, i took lots of tranquilisers daily just to live with that control freak, yet i never took anything in my 34 years of life before i met him!
Yes i know i'm better off alone now, and i think i need to heal, learn from my mistakes and find myself again before i can ever meet anyone new! I dont want to go into a new relationship fearing that the next man will treat me the same way, but i'm sure i will spot the warning signs next time! I wasn't looking before when i met stbx.
So, a strange day & night for me, but hopefully one that will help me through the days to come.
Cindy
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fade2gray
said:
| September 28, 2008 | ||
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Maybe you should post that letter to him! Let him see his faults in print. lol | |
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phoenix1
said:
| September 29, 2008 | ||
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When you write things down, how different does the story look !! I did the same sort of thing and thats what made me stand up, brush myself down and turn into Phonix1 from Broken1. Words are so powerfull !! |
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div1
said:
| September 29, 2008 | ||
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cindygirl. Now you have written it all down you can begin to let it go. Don't look back and waste time wondering. You have finished that particular part in your life & you will go forward a more experienced & stronger person. |
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cindygirl
said:
| October 01, 2008 | ||
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(((Fade2Grey)))) lol i think thats a good idea to mail it to him, but no i won't, he knows what he did & has to live with it!! (((Phoenix)))) & ((((Div))))) Yes it has helped a bit to see why i'm living apart from him & going through divorce. God help the OW when she sees his true colours, but her fault for going for married men & believing all his lies!! Cindy |
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